Ep64 Parenting Under Control, Not Controlling w/ Rachel Balducci

“It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us. Bring love into your home, for this is where our love for each other must start.”
~ St. Teresa of Calcutta

Why am I so emotionally tied up in my kids' accomplishments?
Is my child's behavior a verdict on my parenting?
How can I be invested in my child without trying to control them?

In Episode 64 of This Whole Life, Kenna welcomes guest Rachel Balducci for an insightful discussion on parenting, identity, and faith. They delve into the emotional journey parents undergo as they detach from their children's achievements and embrace their true identity and worth. Rachel shares personal stories, emphasizing the importance of humor and grace in parenting. The conversation highlights the need to maintain healthy boundaries, allowing children to forge their own paths while anchoring self-worth in the Lord, not external validation. Rachel also reflects on fostering authentic community and the transformative power of prayer, offering listeners encouragement in building genuine relationships and seeking holiness in everyday life. The episode is a thought-provoking exploration of how faith and mental health intertwine in parenting, with Kenna and Rachel offering wisdom and guidance for navigating challenges with love and understanding.

Rachel Balducci is a cohost of The Gist, a talk show for women on CatholicTV, and teaches journalism at Augusta University. She is the author of No Such Thing As Ordinary, Overcommitted: Cut Chaos and Find Balance, Make My Life Simple: Bringing Peace to Heart and Home and How Do You Tuck in a Superhero and Other Delightful Mysteries of Raising Boys. Rachel and her husband, Paul, live in Georgia and have five sons and one daughter.

Episode 64 Show Notes

Rachel Balducci's books

Chapters:
0:00: Introduction and Highs & Hards
10:32: Humility & candor in parenting
17:24: Finding community & letting go of control
33:42: Freedom from others' opinions of my children as extensions of me
46:30: Receiving our value from the Lord, not from our children
54:55: Challenge By Choice

Reflection Questions:

1. What is one specific thing that stuck with you from this conversation?
2. What are the most wonderful things about marriage & parenting? What are the most challenging things about parenting?
3. In what ways can parents balance the tension between helping their children pursue excellence and reminding them of their worth regardless of their accomplishments?
4. What kinds of community and friendship have you sought out in your journey? Where are you most in need of support right now?

Thank you for listening! Visit us online at thiswholelifepodcast.com, and send us an email with your thoughts, questions, or ideas.

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Interested in more faith-filled mental health resources? Check out the Martin Center for Integration

Music: "You're Not Alone" by Marie Miller. Used with permission.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction and Highs & Hards
• 10:32 Humility & candor in parenting
• 17:24 Finding community & letting go of control
• 33:42 Freedom from others' opinions of my children as extensions of me
• 46:30 Receiving our value from the Lord, not from our children
• 54:55 Challenge By Choice

Transcript

Rachel Balducci [00:00:00]:
What if my whole self worth or my peace and happiness all resided in how how much of an athlete my daughter was at this age? Right? And all of a sudden, she doesn't make the cut, and so she I'm, like, upset with the coach, and then I'm jealous of other parents whose kids made the team. And it's like, you have to just be at peace.

Kenna Millea [00:00:30]:
Welcome to This Whole Life, a podcast for all of us seeking sanity and sanctity, and a place to find joy and meaning through the integration of faith and mental health. I'm Kenna Millea, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and I'm happy to bring you this podcast along with my husband, Pat Millea, a Catholic speaker, musician, and leader. We invite you to our kitchen table. Okay. Not literally. But you're definitely invited into the conversations that we seem to keep having once the kids have scattered off to play and we're left doing the dishes. We're excited to share this podcast for educational purposes. It's not intended as therapy or as a substitute for mental health care.

Kenna Millea [00:01:10]:
So let's get talking about This Whole Life. Welcome back to This Whole Life listeners. It is such a beautiful day and, an awesome opportunity to share in conversation with my guest today, Rachel Balducci. Rachel, welcome to This Whole Life.

Rachel Balducci [00:01:36]:
Good morning. I'm so excited to be here.

Kenna Millea [00:01:39]:
And it is always a gift too to have a sweet southern accent on our show. I am so partial to our guests from the South. So thanks for spanning the miles, Rachel, and being with us from your place in Georgia. For those of you who are not yet familiar with Rachel, she is the cohost of The Gist, which is a talk show for women on Catholic TV, and she teaches journalism at Augusta University. She's also the author of Make My Life Simple, Bringing Peace to Heart and Home, and How Do You Tuck in a Superhero and Other Delightful Mysteries of Raising Boys. Rachel and her husband, Paul, live in Georgia and have 5 sons and one daughter. And, Rachel, one of my favorite things is that you always post on social media that picture of your daughter being born after that, you know, caravan of 5 sons and just the the beauty and the awe in your face. So welcome Rachel.

Rachel Balducci [00:02:38]:
Good morning, Kenna. Thank you for having me.

Kenna Millea [00:02:40]:
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So, Rachel, I am excited about this conversation because I have learned so much from you, in the realm of parenting and in, in becoming, more freely and authentically a daughter of God. But before we get into that and, and I share, yeah, kind of what inspired me to reach out to you. I'm wondering if you'd be willing to share a high and a hard of life lately just to help folks get to know, about what's going on in your world these days.

Rachel Balducci [00:03:14]:
Sure. Yeah. So we were talking before we started recording that I live in Augusta, Georgia, and we recently got hit pretty hard by hurricane Helene. So that was a big deal, very unexpected. You know, God's here in the the midst of all of it with us, but that was tough, you know, to lose power, to have your sort of whole town shut down, you know, just all of that. It it really and and I think because for us, we really literally did not see it coming. Like, went to bed thinking it was heading in one direction, and in the middle of the night, it sort of just came to us. So, you know, such a shock to the system in that regard.

Rachel Balducci [00:03:52]:
But there were so many beautiful things that came out of that, like neighborhoods coming together. You know, people always just kinda rise to the occasion. So that was challenging but also beautiful. And, the good, so I'm in getting a pursuing a PhD in religion at the University of Georgia, and this is I'm halfway through my 1st semester. And, yes, later today, as soon as we're done with this podcast, I have to start working on, like, this 20 page paper. And so I've been putting it off and talking a lot about it instead of doing any writing. Okay. I'm super nervous about it.

Rachel Balducci [00:04:28]:
You know, it's like a good challenge. But, anyway, I am enjoying that so much. And so each week, I drive up there 2 days a week, and I have classes. And it is just such a fun new adventure for me, that I kinda consider that, like, a high in the midst of really excellent things in family life and and all that good stuff too, but but I'm really enjoying that this new adventure. So Oh

Kenna Millea [00:04:49]:
my gosh. Just like so much admiration for, yeah, you getting back in the classroom and, being on the other side. Right? Because you're often in the classroom, but as the instructor, as the professor, yeah. Incredible. Incredible.

Rachel Balducci [00:05:05]:
Yeah. It's a fun like, it kind of is mind games where, like, 2 days a week, I'm the professor in here in town, and then the other 2, I'm a student. And like to it's neat that there's that ability with your brain to be like, no. No. You're not in charge today. Today.

Kenna Millea [00:05:20]:
Yeah. You just didn't.

Rachel Balducci [00:05:21]:
You know? And you're not talking as much. You know?

Kenna Millea [00:05:24]:
Yes. And when when I was in school to become a marriage and family therapist, one of the things that they said is, like, if you aren't already engaged in therapy yourself or haven't had that experience, like, get the to a therapist now because you need to know what it's like to be in that other seat, to, become even better at your craft. And so, yeah, I'm imagining that your experience as student is only gonna enhance also your presence as a professor.

Rachel Balducci [00:05:52]:
Yes. Thank you. I I, I can see that already even. I mean, I really am learning, like, so much in so many different areas. So it's it's wonderful.

Kenna Millea [00:06:01]:
Oh, love it. Well, I will start with my high, which is that Pat and I have we're coming out of a season, like, an inordinately busy season of travel, in particular for work. We just got back the day before yesterday from Alaska and had never been there before. Never dreamed, honestly, that I would go there. And it was as beautiful as people said, and we weren't even there necessarily in its, like, peak season. But literally saw, like, a black bear cub, like, on the side of a cliff as we were driving. And Pat ran into a family of moose outside of the school where he was speaking. Like, it was just unreal.

Kenna Millea [00:06:45]:
But more than that, the high is was the people. And the high was learning about their lifestyle, which is so different than ours, And therefore, like just how much more difficult it is for them to have access to the sacraments for their priests to get to all of these different towns that many of which are only accessible by like ferry and airplane. And they call it snow machines. They don't call them snowmobiles. We call them snow snowmobiles here in Minnesota, but snow machines, and, and just feeling so edified by their like, heroic faith and their hunger for the sacraments, that was such a high. And I just feel infused with, like, yeah. Like, how am I demonstrating my love for the Lord, seeing them do it on the day in and day out. So that was such a gift.

Kenna Millea [00:07:43]:
The hard, and, actually, maybe I'm realizing Rachel could be a segue too into things that I'd like us to be able to talk about today, is our children are getting older. Our oldest is 13, almost 14. Our youngest is 4. And, walking with them as they experience disappointment and rejection and setback, is so stinking difficult. I think, like, I know how it feels for me when when I'm being told, like, no. Like, not you're not the right person for the job or not the right you know, like, as a grown up, I know how difficult that is. And so, for this to be happening to my little people, who who are are coming of age, but, but, also, like, I just feel that so deeply. And I'm trying to figure out maybe the hardest, like, my own process for what to do when that happens, so that we as a family can engage with it in a healthy way and in a way that brings forth learning and virtue and there's fruit in it.

Kenna Millea [00:09:00]:
So, that is a definite hard, of life lately for me. So so, yeah, kind of maybe letting that be a springboard. Rachel, you know, I mentioned to you when I reached out to you that I've been following you on social media, been aware of your writing and your recording, for many years now. And I, I think so on my personal Instagram, I follow maybe, like, 10 people because I just, like, am super particular about the kinds of messages that I'm willing to, like, let come into my world because I receive a lot already. And, and you have been a, tried and true, like historically on my, in my carousel, of voices that I allow in because Rachel, you, you have this way of being, of being humble that actually invites my vulnerability. I think I find when I I leave, reading things that you write or record, I love your laundry talks while you fold your laundry. And, and, like, I I find myself actually being reflective. And and so that that, yeah, leaves me in a in a warmer place, in a place that, like, orients me toward the Lord.

Kenna Millea [00:10:13]:
So first of all, just thank you for that. Yeah. Thanks for that ministry.

Rachel Balducci [00:10:19]:
I feel so honored by your kind words. Thank you.

Kenna Millea [00:10:20]:
Oh my gosh. And I encourage parents, I mean, all humans, but really parents, in particular, like, to, to check out, you know, Rachel's, writings and recordings. But, but in that, That humility and that candor, like I'm curious, like how did you even choose to go there in such a public way? Because that's not a lot of what we're seeing in the world and certainly on social media, right. Filters and like presenting your best self and all that. Can you share a bit about, like, what moved you to really embrace that humility and that transparency with people you don't even know?

Rachel Balducci [00:10:57]:
Yeah. Well, thanks again. That such kind words. So, before Instagram, I had a blog, Testosterhome, and that's kind of what kinda got me, you know, a little bit of a a following is, you know, my my story briefly is my husband and I had 4 boys in 5 years. So every 21 months, we had a new little boy. Crazy times. Like, as a as a young bride, I did not set out to do that. And and it it has been just like the greatest blessing and, you know, and then after fast forward a bit, but after 5 and a half years, I really thought, like, okay.

Rachel Balducci [00:11:32]:
I'm barely surviving with this pack of boys. So we got really good at NFP. And then after 5 and a half years, I was like, I I want one last baby because by then, I was in my mid thirties. I had had all those boys in my twenties. And, we had a 5th son, and I was like, we're good. Like, if they're witches. You know? And then 3 years later, surprise, and we had Isabelle. And that's the the picture that you shared about that, we didn't know if we were having a boy or a girl and just she's just a delight.

Rachel Balducci [00:12:02]:
So, so I started blogging when, when our the youngest of our 4 boys was about 2 years old, and not everybody had blogs at that point. But I was finding that motherhood was not what I thought it was gonna be. You know, like, I really envision I'm the oldest of 8, but I never saw myself of as capable of having a large family. So in my mind, I was just kind of like, I'm gonna have motherhood is like a boy and a girl, right? Like just a very simplified approach. And we ended up with this pack of boys and it was crazy. And it was like, I lost whatever false sense of, like, control that I had. And and so to your question, Kenna, I think early on, I sort of had humility dumped on me. And I I didn't get this, my excellent parenting is what is making my children behave properly.

Rachel Balducci [00:12:59]:
You know, because boys were just, we'd go places and they would go in all directions no matter what I asked them to do before we went in.

Kenna Millea [00:13:06]:
You know?

Rachel Balducci [00:13:07]:
And so I didn't have the sense of, like, I'm so organized and, you know, I have such a tidy home and I run a tight ship and my children behave. And I think I'm just getting over a little bit of envy that I have when I see children who behave in public. You know? Like and not that I had feral children, but this feeling of, like, you know, going to Mass and them just sitting in this row participating. I mean, my boys would be like, you know, like, when's it gonna be over? You know, that sort of thing. So you I started to blog because I wanted you know, I just kinda had this moment where I'm like, I'm either gonna laugh or cry at the end of every day, and I'd rather laugh and find like, where is the Lord in the midst of this? You know, and kind of recognizing the gift of motherhood. And so this is not a thing to just be endured, but an area to grow in holiness. I don't know that I had those words for it at that point. But this feeling of, you know, this is the thing God is having me do.

Rachel Balducci [00:14:07]:
How do I find joy, you know, in these circumstances? So I started blogging and I found because I had all boys and my blog was had a clever name Testosterhome. And I wrote, like, in a hyper focused way, like life with boys and my challenges with it. As a woman, I'm raising these people that are so different than me. You know? And I found I heard from so many women who were in that same boat of, like, you know, this is foreign to us. This is overwhelming. This is not what we thought motherhood was gonna look like. And so I think kind of, you know, I think vulnerability comes from this this understanding that we're not the only ones. You know? I like that C.S. Lewis quote, like, friendship is born when when somebody says, me too.

Rachel Balducci [00:14:51]:
You know? Yes. This feeling of, you know, I'm not if it's true for me, it's probably true for other people. And then, you know, my own experience with, yeah, looking into a sea of blogging and now social media and seeing, a lot of perfect perfection out there. And it doesn't make me feel great, you know. And I'm like, I want for my own voice in this sea of voices to be somebody that's like encouraging women in particular, but encouraging people to to remind us that the Lord is with us as we walk through whatever is whatever it is we're going through. So that's kinda how I got to that point. I think the other thing that was beneficial for me is that in my real life, I in real life, group of friends that are we're really honest with each other. And so I always had this sense of reality outside of, like, the perfect pictures that we see online.

Rachel Balducci [00:15:50]:
And so it helped me to know, like, I'm tempted to buy into this this image of perfection, but nobody in real life is living. None of my close friends are living at this level. Yeah. I have a feeling this isn't really true for these other people too. You know? Yeah. Yeah. It's such a challenge. I mean, like, just what we see can be really overwhelming, with, like, the cute homes and the the well behaved children.

Rachel Balducci [00:16:16]:
And, like, for me, I think I even get more challenged with the, like, now the aesthetic vibe is a thing. Like, I know if I'm looking at, you know, a picture, it's like somebody does a good job of decorating whatever. I think it's really hard. Like, what do what does social media tell us about ourself? Like, where is my sense of self being built or eroded? And when we see families that seem like they really have it all together, you know, like, kids that make only good choices, kids that are included. You know, you're talking about, like, watching your kids go through hard times. Like, you know, kids who families whose children don't seem to question faith issues. You know, all of these areas where we might feel insecure. And, like, for me, I'm like, I don't wanna let it all hang out.

Rachel Balducci [00:17:03]:
I don't wanna be a train wreck, but I want people to know real life, you know, like, be encouraged in these real areas. Like, nobody's perfect. Nobody has it all together. We're all just trying to do the best we can. You know?

Kenna Millea [00:17:19]:
Yeah. Well, so a couple things that that makes me curious about, Rachel. One is, can you say a bit you know, you talk about this group of real life friends and this level of vulnerability and honesty that you found with each other. Can you share a bit about yeah. How do we foster that? Like, what have you learned helps us to seek out such people and to invest in such relationships so that they can be, yeah, kind of these, honing homing devices of truth and of goodness in our lives.

Rachel Balducci [00:17:54]:
Yeah. We, as humans, were built for community, for community of some sort. Now my husband and I, we've sought it intentionally. Like, we're part of this group of people that have sort of intentionally lit we live next to each other. We're kinda committed to being here. It was it's a group that's been around for about 50 years. It's a thing that happened in the life of the church just very briefly, you know, part of something called the charismatic renewal that happened in the late sixties early seventies, within the Catholic church. And so we kind of were the benefit beneficiaries of that because my husband and I both kind of grew up in this scene.

Rachel Balducci [00:18:32]:
Right? You can have that wherever you go, but the you have to build it. And it's not enough to just kinda pop in and out of mass on Sunday, and feel supported by people. You know? So, like, how do you build community? Get to know families, invite them over, do things outside of church. And some parishes are great at this and some just are not. Like, protestant way better at this than Catholics. That's just, you know and so like but but finding families and it doesn't have to be people who were in the same exact season as you. Like, one of the things that I love is that I've got people, yes, in the trenches. And now I'm not I'm in a different kind of trench that I than I was when my kids were little.

Rachel Balducci [00:19:17]:
So, you know, I'm relating to people who are have little kids and then, like, you know, the stage you're at, like, the 4 to 13. And then I've got people who are empty nesters. And, man, those are the women I wanna talk to. They raised their kids, their kids turned out good.

Kenna Millea [00:19:34]:
Let me sit at your feet.

Rachel Balducci [00:19:37]:
Share that wisdom with me. Yeah. So like that multi generational relating. And then the big thing is, you know, what's the heart of all of this? It is that vulnerability and it's just a willingness to share real life. You know, I think about Erma Bombeck and how she was like, if I waited to have people over until all the silverware was matching, like, I'd never have anybody over. You know? And for years, I struggled with that. Like, I've got all these little boys, you know, and without fail, every time I would have a guest about to come over, either a 2 liter of Sprite would spill on the kitchen floor, or I'd walk into the bathroom and someone would have peed everywhere. And it's easy to feel like I'm not worthy to have people enter under my roof.

Rachel Balducci [00:20:22]:
You know? And it's me. We have to get over ourselves, you know, and I think you start to have that support of, like, yeah. This is me. And, you know, and and everybody has different levels, you know, where like, I tend to keep a tidy house, but but I had all these crazy boys that were not going to sit at the dining room table the whole time that we had guests over, you know? Yeah. So like getting to that place where and I think I love how full circle the Lord is in our lives. Like more secure I am in who God made me to be, the more I can share that gift of self with other people. You know, like being who like loving who God made me to be. And that's not cocky.

Rachel Balducci [00:21:05]:
That's just like a deep security in security in who I am in the Lord, which means I can share myself and not be so fearful that, you know, that I'm showing a part of myself that somebody else can't handle or I'm not good enough. And then the big thing is knowing where our identity really lies. Like, you know, I'm grateful for friendships that are not built on, the kind of cars that we drive or the cutest who has the latest furniture in their front room. There's nothing wrong with that. I love cute stuff. I'm all about just got some new shoes left yesterday that came in the mail, and I'm excited about it. You know? And, it was so fun because I ran into a friend and should we always share that kind of stuff with each other, and she just gotten the same pair in a different color.

Kenna Millea [00:21:53]:
You know?

Rachel Balducci [00:21:53]:
Like, that's wonderful. But it's not the basis of

Kenna Millea [00:21:57]:
Yeah.

Rachel Balducci [00:21:58]:
What we're doing. We're not trying to impress somebody with our vacations and our you know, anything like that. None of those things are bad, but we don't friendship and support needs to be based on something deeper than that. And so to your point, like, find real people, and they don't even have to look exactly like you. But, you know, if y'all have Jesus in common, that's gonna get you really far. Like, that's for and, you know, getting back to this idea of parenting, you know, so now I've got our 4 oldest, my pack of boys. They're all in their twenties now. 2 were done with college.

Rachel Balducci [00:22:32]:
2 were still in their college journey. Actually, 1 3 are still in their college journey, but we got 2 done with college, undergrad. And I've gone through hard stuff with them. Like, we've walked through hard stuff as parents. And to have friends, I'm gonna get a little choked up, who love you in the good times is awesome, but who are there for you in the hard times. But also in the it's like sometimes people are happy to be there in the trenches, but if you have if you have success that they're threatened by that. You know, like, you want I wanna be loved when the highs are high, but the lows are low. And, like, in one situation, we didn't realize that our one child was struggling, and it was some of our closest friends that had to come to us and say, I just want you to know I'm hearing this for my kids, and I hate to have to tell you.

Rachel Balducci [00:23:26]:
And that changed everything because we like, I'm so grateful that they felt, sorry, they knew we would love them no matter what. That, you know, that they were willing to risk us being upset with them for telling us this hard thing. And it was like, oh my gosh. I'm so grateful. Like, you know, like, we can't do this parenting thing alone. And I and I think for people listening to this, and I know that can be hard. A lot of people feel lonely and isolated, and I think, unfortunately, that's kind of our culture is ask the Lord to send you people.

Rachel Balducci [00:24:00]:
You know, like, we don't even finding the people, we don't have to just I've gotta find somebody. I've gotta be looking at church like, Lord, send somebody into my life who can who can encourage me and walk beside me, you know, in this time and family life. And and I think God is faithful to those prayers.

Kenna Millea [00:24:18]:
Yeah. Well, like you said, he's he's made us for community. Right? He he himself is a community of love in the Trinity. And so, to be made in his image and likeness is to be made for that. And and so, to trust that he will provide, because it's it's what he's wired us for. Yeah. It's a longing that we have, and he wants to satisfy our thirst. So, yeah.

Kenna Millea [00:24:47]:
Yeah. I want to come back, Rachel, to, kind of yeah. You're touching on this theme of perfection. And I'm I'm aware right now, to be perfectly honest, in my own life, I'm doing a deep dive, recognizing, like, this is a season that the Lord is asking me to really look at that. And I think it's difficult because the pursuit of excellence that's, like, the nicest way I can talk about perfection. But, like, the pursuit of excellence has, like, gotten me places. Right? Like, it has it has served me well in certain things. And, also, as my children get older, I am learning that it is no longer as helpful of an approach to life as the things that I care more and more deeply about are less and less in my control, i.e.

Kenna Millea [00:25:41]:
my husband and my children. Right? They are not mine to control. Or, at least, we are not gonna be happy for long if mama tries to control all of you. Yeah. And so, I guess yeah. Asking you, you know, you're ahead of me on this timeline of motherhood. Like like, how what is your own walk with recognizing that your children, your husband, are distinct from you.

Kenna Millea [00:26:07]:
They are separate from you. They have a story. The Lord has a plan and a purpose for them that is separate from your great ideas. And I'm sure you had great ideas about who they should be and how they should live.

Rachel Balducci [00:26:21]:
Yes. Exactly. And you're at such a, I think, crucial place with this. Like, it's so I love that the Lord is bringing this to your attention, you know, and it's like circumstances bring it to our attention as well. But like, you know, the Lord offers us so much grace, I think, and I've seen this in my life. When I'm really working to be in tune with where the Lord's leading me, then he pours out the grace as we walk through these new seasons. And, like, 14, when your oldest hits that, I'm sorry, it is hard because all of a sudden, okay, think even about friends. We want to guide our our children to have good friends.

Rachel Balducci [00:26:57]:
When they're little, we set up play dates. We control everything know they get older, I know it's not even whether they have good friends or bad friends. It's either do they get included all the time? You know, do they make the team? Do they, you know, did they do heart of freedom in this area I found, and it did take me a while. Okay. So I talk a lot about like this idea of like the boys were kind of crazy, you know, and so like a bit of like watching, like I couldn't control certain things. But even within that had this false sense of, like, these children's or these children of mine were extensions of me, you know, and and you love your children so much, and you only want what's best for them. And I remember years ago, like, I think I was like around the age of I'm trying to think how this like lines up. Okay.

Rachel Balducci [00:28:00]:
Early forties, not that many years ago, I should say, but like being okay. Being this being in this place where I was looking at one of my boys and I realized I wanted him spiritually to be like 42 year old Rachel. I wanted him to start where I currently was. You know, I didn't want him to have to wander in the desert or, you know, suffer to be separated from the Lord. Formation. We work hard to raise them in a home that knows and loves and serves Jesus. But that doesn't mean that spiritually and emotionally and psychologically, as a therapist, I'm sure

Rachel Balducci [00:28:43]:
you can appreciate this, that they're not going to have their own stuff to work through. Like, just because I've sat in therapy and spiritual direction, and years of growth as a person spiritually, that doesn't mean the Balduccis start there and then they just are catapulted, like, you know? So that was a big thing. It's like, you get to this point where you're with your children as they get older, where Paul and I recognized our job is not to hold their hand, but to kind of stand on either side as like this buffer as as the lanes widen and they're figuring out where they want to be on this path. Right? And you're like, okay, the path goes this way, and we're working very hard to continue to help you go in that direction. But if they pop off the path or, you know, hop off the path, or if they are like winding like this, that we're there as they figure out what it is they want their life to look like, you know, and have conversations being willing to dialogue with your kids, but also not getting to say like as a 2 year old, you pop, you know, pop them on the hand before they touch the stove. And now it's kind of like, well, how's that working out for you? How are these people that you're doing working out for you? You know? And then them coming to some conclusions. Like, I'll tell you real quick a story. One of our boys was dating somebody, and, it just wasn't it was they didn't need to be dating this person.

Rachel Balducci [00:30:10]:
And and my husband and I went night in the kitchen. This is, they they were in college. And so, of course, we're like, you know, we're not gonna tell you no, but we're gonna tell you what we see and the fruit of it in your life. You know, love it. And always they always have to know that you love them and you're there for them.

Rachel Balducci [00:30:27]:
Like, you know, you don't want your kids afraid to tell you things. And so that's where that love that you have for them is like, I, you know, I I love you. We just want the best for you. You know, this isn't about us saving face and us not looking bad. Right? But we're telling him all this stuff, and, and he's listening. You know? And then a few weeks later, he went on some camping trip with a bunch of his friends, and they basically told him the same thing. And he was able to kinda see. Oh, but he told us later, you know, they told me all the same stuff, but you're my parents.

Rachel Balducci [00:30:58]:
And he was like,

Kenna Millea [00:31:00]:
doggone it.

Rachel Balducci [00:31:01]:
So, you know, it's like he was hearing it, but he kinda wanted some confirmation from not his parents.

Kenna Millea [00:31:08]:
You know? Like, oh,

Rachel Balducci [00:31:09]:
you know, life's funny that way. But but, you know, it like, you as your kids get older, you do have to start to have this understanding. And it is a painful understanding, I think, that they are not extensions of you, that they are themselves, and they are the Lord's. And and always to remember that the Lord Jesus loves my kids more than I ever could, which is hard to understand, you know, and that brings me a lot of peace when I feel like things are out of my control. And then the last thing I want to say about this is I remember hearing a series of tapes tapes years ago, and it was about detaching with love. And it was this idea I can't and at that point, my kids were little, so I can't even remember what was motivating me to listen to this. But it was this idea of people who, when they mess up, you know, what what comes of that? And I remember the the priest, father Emerick Vought. He was the speaker of this series.

Rachel Balducci [00:32:08]:
And he talked about a man that he saw in therapy who came in who was in his thirties, and he had never experienced failure. And he was hitting some big, bad wall. Like, he had been top of this, top of that, gotten everything he wanted, you know, the jobs that he wanted, the school success he wanted. And then it was kinda like he had this breakdown, you know, and I can't I just remember the details of the story being, like, the small failures that we experience and that our kids experience are so important. And so we, as the mama, wanna protect them from everything. I never want them to feel, you know, but I don't want them to get too far along in life without experiencing pinchy and it's hard to watch, but it's like, can I remember in those moments, the Lord has a plan? And not that he wants to watch us suffer, but he uses everything for good. Nothing is wasted with the Lord and, you know, kind of releasing the tight grip that we falsely think we have. And, you know, and kind of saying, like, bring me peace, Jesus.

Rachel Balducci [00:33:16]:
Walk with my child in this time. Reveal yourself to this child as they walk through this. Help them know that they're not alone. You know? And it's, it's scary and it's hard because we just wanna protect our kids from everything, and and that's that's not healthy. I think dads are better about it. My husband always seems to have a little bit better sense of perspective, but I'm like, it just feels so personally painful for me to watch some struts.

Kenna Millea [00:33:42]:
Well and so so from my vantage point, right, on the clinical side of things, I think too, it's not just, like, the suffering of watching your child experience hard things and losing perspective of the bigger picture, but it's also how my own sense of worth gets wrapped up in what my children do or don't do. Right? Whether they keep the faith as an adult, whether they have a career that that I feel like is really, maximizing their gifts and their talents and living up to their potential. Whether they choose a spouse or, you know, a vocation receive a vocation, that that I feel like is really reflective of of, you know, what I want for them. Can you can you speak to that in particular? Like, I don't know if you struggled with that. I know my clients do. I do. Of yeah. Just that fuzziness, like you said, not being extensions of ourself, but but how do we how do we do that? How do we make that shift of really giving them that freedom and that permission, and to not take it so stinking personally when they do things that we're like, I wouldn't have done that.

Rachel Balducci [00:34:56]:
Yeah. And then you're, like, and everybody knows that you the whole neighborhood saw that.

Kenna Millea [00:35:00]:
Yep. Yes. Currently, here's my goofy version of it, Rachel. Currently, our kids right? So we have a girl, 3 boys, and then 3 girls. And our 3 girls came in a year. We had identical twins, and then we had another baby, like, 4 days before their first birthday. And so they just have a fearlessness that in our suburban neighborhood, which most families have 1 or 2 children, these other families do not understand. When the malaise come marching so our girls will unabashedly just knock on every door, not only asking to play with their children, but then saying, could I just play with your toys? Like, you have that jeep, like, buggy thing and we don't have one of those so, like, could I just play with your toys? And I'm, like, getting text messages from neighbors like, Do you know that your girls are at my door? And I'm like, Sure didn't.

Kenna Millea [00:35:48]:
Like So that is my version of the embarrassment of like, you did what? Oh my gosh.

Rachel Balducci [00:35:55]:
So I love that totally reminds me of a story, like, we when the boys were little and a friend drove by our house and, we got this call, and he's like, did you know that that your boys are all standing on the top of the truck beating it with plastic bats? And we were coming out and they're all, like, standing in our driveway hitting the car. Yeah. No. We did not know. We're trying to live a normal life here. You know?

Kenna Millea [00:36:24]:
Thanks for that PSA. I know.

Rachel Balducci [00:36:27]:
And it is it it like, I think a couple of things here. 1, in these moments, you have to just, we can't take ourselves too seriously. And I and I have that same tendency kind of, like, the the little perfectionist. Like, I just, you know, can't y'all just keep it down? You know, like, that stuff. Shove that shove those feelings down. No. You know? And so, like, that and that was a big part for me of, you know, the writing helped me just find the humor and things. And, you know, and then that detachment from others opinions.

Rachel Balducci [00:36:58]:
Like, again, I love how they're like, Jesus really is the answer no matter what the question is. And I don't tend to I don't wanna say that I'm over spiritualizing, but, like, okay. The greater truth of this idea of children getting older, choosing their own paths, you know, they're no longer little people that we may or may not have been able to control. Sounds like you're you have a similar experience with me of, like, you know, a a a false sense of control because I didn't think I could even control their behavior, but I still have this sense of, like but the bigger issues are still in my control. You know? Like, k through 12 is, like, drop me off at school, you know, or whatever. Like, we're doing and then we move on to the next thing, and then we move on. And it was kind of like a shock to the system as people got older, and there were these elements of their life that were no longer in my direct control. Yeah.

Rachel Balducci [00:37:54]:
And I'll, you know, give you the most sort of extreme example of what we went through. It's like this son that went off to college and just crashed and burned. And I can share about it now because he's doing great. His journey like, he had to walk through a lot, and it caught me by surprise. It was a shock to my system because I really did think we had done everything so well that we were sort of guaranteed. You know? Uh-huh. This was like, you know, the child who like Eagle Scout, class president, you know, all that good stuff. And it's like he had to figure himself out outside of the Paul and Rachel Balducci.

Rachel Balducci [00:38:31]:
And I kind of was like, I'm not really interested in that. I'm more interested in you just doing the stuff in a you know? And kind of, like, having you know? And I think about this, like, these tight fists that we I think we have with, like, our sense of our families, other people's opinions, not wanting our kids to be in pain, you know, like, all the things we try to control. And it's like the the Lord asks us to kinda let go of this tight grip of certain things in the right time. And that's what's challenging as parents is that when our kids are little and when they're in our care, there's so many things we can't give up on. You know, we we kinda notice the hard way. Like, Henry's 5 years younger, 6 years younger than the next brother up. And I kinda noticed when Henry was 2 and 3, I sort of, like, let him kinda hang with the older boys at bedtime. And it's like, a 2 year old should be in bed at 7, not 10 you know, not 9.

Rachel Balducci [00:39:30]:
And, well, all the other brothers were older. Right? Like and and it was kind of like, oh, yeah. I'm still in a different level of control with this child or, you know, like, when he was 7 and the other guys were teenagers. Right? Like, oh, I have to control him in a different way or set tighter boundaries. You know? So it is a challenge because we're not used to letting go of this control. You know? But the the heart of it really is, is my identity and self worth wrapped up in not even just what my kids are doing, but other people's opinion of me. Because if we really think about it, I think it's equal parts. We want them to use the gifts God has given them to to use the brain God has given them.

Rachel Balducci [00:40:13]:
But also but am I getting that confused with what will people say? What will they say when they when my kid takes a gap year, which turns into 3 gap years? You know? You have to get over that. You know? Like, I think the the most important thing is, you know, am I a sounding board for my child? Am I encouraging them to be the best person they can be? And am I getting out of the way? Like, I think I was really motivated at times to have my kids do things. Yeah. Because I was worried about what it looked like. You know? You can't you can't take a break from college. You gotta get right back in there. If you're I was always like, if you're not moving forward, you're moving backwards. You know? Yeah.

Rachel Balducci [00:40:52]:
Well, you know, it's like, but that's I'm not in control of that. You know, like, what journey is this child on? You know, and again, there are gonna be hard seasons where we have to speak truth to our kids. And and I think that's where the 4 foundational years of building trust with your children, having healthy boundaries, but knowing that you love them, you know, and they're willing to come to you when they mess up. Yeah. That's what we're building because, you know, 10 years from now, I wanna be you know, can they come and talk to me about stuff that's out of my control, but I'm here. We're here for them.

Kenna Millea [00:41:31]:
Yeah. When the stakes are higher. Yes. My Pat's, Pat's maternal grandmother says, like, little people, little problems. Big people, big problems. And, like, I try to remind myself of that, of when I don't feel like doing the hard things when they're little, like, reminding myself there are no loopholes in this parenting gig. Like, if I'm not teaching them the reality of natural consequences, for example, or allowing natural consequences to unfold, like, they're gonna have to learn it somehow. And maybe it'll be through the legal system.

Kenna Millea [00:42:01]:
Like, you know, who knows? Like, if if I if I don't allow them to live in reality here. I think you're bringing up a couple things, Rachel, that are are helpful. Number 1 is your acknowledgment that, like, if we I call this process, like, interior confrontation. Like, if I'm really honest with myself, the control around, but I just it's just so hard for me to not see them live up to their potential, has so very much to do with others' opinions. Has so much more to do with what others will think of me them slash me. Right? Because I'm still in that place of, like, enmeshment, and thinking that my children are, like, my resume walking around in this world, like, reflecting my goodness and my competency as a mom, as a parent. So that's one thing of just Yeah. I'm hearing this gentle challenge from the Holy Spirit right now in me of, like, kind of like, it's time to be real about, like, what is that honestly? What is that truthfully? The other thing, I heard this the other day, and, I won't say it as eloquently, but it was something to the effect of, don't, don't stand in the way of your child's testimony.

Kenna Millea [00:43:16]:
And, and so, just this what you're describing with this son. Right? That, God willing, you know, in the rearview mirror, he is going to see this, like, beautiful, mosaic of of how the Lord has walked with him and given him these parents who have been faithful to him through the highs, through the lows. And it's going to be his his witness to God's goodness and to Christ's presence in his life. But when we snow plow, when we helicopter, when we all those when we bubble wrap them, like, we prevent them from really getting to experience God's grace, which I know in my life, like, I have umpteen accounts of how, how the Lord has has been merciful to me and has been there for me when I absolutely wasn't deserving of it. And that strengthens my faith. You know, I I am rarely impressed by someone who's like, Yeah. Like, like, being good, being faithful has just always come really easy to me. Like, it's never I've never questioned anything.

Kenna Millea [00:44:17]:
Like, you know, it just all come natural. Like, no. Like, I am in awe of people who are like, I have I have seen some things, like, and I still choose Jesus. So, so, yeah. Just a few things to, kind of, pick up on and underscore for myself and for our listeners. Because I think, yeah, clearly, Rachel, like, you've taken the time to reflect, and to kind of distill, like, what is true, what is good. Maybe the last thing I'll I'll say off of, yeah, what you just shared I was in confession. And I sometimes, admittedly, like, I'm I'm a choleric melancholic.

Kenna Millea [00:44:54]:
So when you talk about tight fists, like, I don't know how to walk without a tight fist. Like, I just I know control and, Yeah. Pursue, do, keep going, keep marching. But I was talking to this priest that I often go to for confession and I just sometimes I'm like, father, you just need to be, like, a little more firm with me. Like, you just need to be a little more tough on me. But but, he was talking about I'm I'm sure I was confessing something related to anger and my children. And he said, kinda, like, discipline is important. And he's one of 13 kids.

Kenna Millea [00:45:30]:
He's on the older side of 13 kids. And so he's, like, watched his parents, you know, raise a baby from from infancy on. And he said, like, discipline is important, and it is a way of showing love. And so long as your children know that you love them, you will be able to measure out the discipline that's necessary for the situation. Right? Which is not telling me I can just, like, let my anger run rampant. But I just to your point of, like, do they know that I love them? And and then we can have these hard conversations. Then they can have the freedom to come to me in these difficult moments. I can have that sense of detachment, and we talk about it as differentiation in therapy, and to not be immune to the pain, but to not take it as such a personal blow and to not be so hyper concerned with what are the neighbors going to say, about this.

Rachel Balducci [00:46:30]:
Because I think that when we're motivated by that, by our vanity, by what other peoples people think, it's gonna get us in trouble because it's a disordered way of thinking. And it's an easy, understandable way of thinking. You know, it's very understandable. And I think, you know, I I struggled for years with this idea of, like, with my own personality type, that other people's opinions about things was feedback for me on how I was doing. Like, you know, well, how do I know if I'm doing well, unless other people give me that feedback? And I really I had to unpack some stuff. You know? But but so it's understandable. Like, we're not little silos. You know? We're we're going through life getting feedback from people around us, but it's like, yeah, if I'm, like, looking around to other people every time my kids mess up or, you know, in my own life even, it's an exhausting way to live.

Rachel Balducci [00:47:29]:
You know? And I love how really that gets back to, you know, okay, as followers of Jesus, we have to have that personal connection with him that speaks truth into our self worth and who we are. You know? And and I think about this, like, even if, as moms, our kids completely tow the line and they move on through and they've done everything perfect. Okay. If my whole identity is wrapped up in being a a wife and a mom, which are the two most important things I do. But if if that's where my sense of self worth and how, you know, that's where all of my truth comes from. My like, I'm here to tell you, kids grow up, and I know you can't believe it because when they're all little, you're like, it's always gonna be this way, this pack of people in my roof, you know, under my roof. As my kids get older, I'm like, I, you know, I remember what a shock to the system it was for me to grocery shop by myself the first few times. And I'm like, gosh.

Rachel Balducci [00:48:28]:
I I was used to so getting so much attention. Well, it's because I was walking through a store with, like, 5 little boy, you know, hanging off my cart, a little boy in the front and and, you know, people making comments and me trying to you know, and I had gotten used to that as my identity. I'm driving this big 12 passenger van, and I'm, you know, now I have a little girl and this pack of boys and, you know, and then as they started to grow older, I'm like, it's weird for me. This is a like, the most basic example, but, you know, apply this to all other areas. Like, I'm walking through the store by myself, and I'm just this kind of invisible person now. Right? Like, not this mom. I have all these people. It was very hard for me, and I still have those people.

Rachel Balducci [00:49:11]:
They're in my life. They're just not going with me everywhere. You know? Yeah. It's Big deal to shift from driving a 12 passenger van to a cute normal SUV. You know? Like but my van is like a big part of my identity. And and I love that the Lord offers us more than that. Like, in the season that we're in, there's grace to do that, and there's a lot of joy. But that because, you know, I'm a mama with 5 boys and a girl, well, that doesn't make me less of a person as my children get older and no longer live in the house and no longer need carpool rides everywhere and, you know, or rides to all the things.

Rachel Balducci [00:49:48]:
And, like, who we are is so much more than just, like, the season that we're in. And so if we can remember that, you know, as our kids go through hard stuff, but and as they go through good stuff, you know, like, you know, the years of my boys being, you know, the Bellucci boys out on the basketball court, a couple of them could dunk. You know, like, they were, you know, that was a fun season, but life goes on when you fade out of that. And you can kind of be like, that was a wonderful time, and this new season that we're in is also wonderful. And, you know, and I remember kinda watching that because I would see women who really mourned the loss of that family time. And I'm like, I appreciate it, but I don't wanna feel like when the last child has graduated, that life is over, and I'm just sitting around missing the glory days. Like, what's the next thing that God has for me? And I think what's really beautiful about that is, like, for the season you're in where you're a long time from that. You know? Now my youngest 2 are in high school, so I'm very kind of aware of it, is you can enjoy where you're at, but then every single high and low that your kids have, your personal happiness is not hinged upon that.

Rachel Balducci [00:51:02]:
You know? You're like, we're just we're sojourners, and I love my kids. But, again, they're not extensions of me. They're they are them. You know?

Kenna Millea [00:51:11]:
Yeah. Yeah. I had a therapist who was like, you know, I think a lot of focus can be on, like, oh, you've gotta be less affected by the lows. But I've heard you say this several times today, Rachel, like, but you've also gotta be less affected by the highs. Like, you know, that if we're gonna have stability, if we're gonna have some sense of, like, constancy with the Lord, detachment in both directions. Like, that's actually where we find our true identity. That's actually where we find our grounding. Because, yeah.

Kenna Millea [00:51:39]:
I've totally you know, kid makes a touchdown in a game and then gets benched the next game. I'm like, Oh. Oh. You know, like, I'm just like all over the place. So, gotta gotta have that, yeah, sense of detachment. And what it means then, it raises that question like, Well, what am I gonna be attached to? And you're saying, Jesus. Like, Jesus in all things. Right? Like And so then you can receive, you know, what comes and what goes in the season, in the moment, in the stage.

Kenna Millea [00:52:06]:
Yeah. In in the good exciting stuff and in the hard, irksome stuff. If if he is the constant, then then we do find stability. We do find peace, that the world can't offer. So

Rachel Balducci [00:52:19]:
Yeah. And it can and it impacts so many other things. I'm thinking, you know, as you're talking about, you know, the the sports stuff too. Isabelle, you know, is just starting high school, and she didn't make the varsity volleyball team. She made the JV. And, we my kids go to a small school. And it was funny because she didn't seem to care. We were on vacation when we found out, and, I found myself tempted to be miffed about it.

Rachel Balducci [00:52:45]:
You know? But but kind of, like, thankfully had enough and have been doing the parenting thing long enough to be like, okay. Life is the world is bigger than this. Like, there's a lot more going on in life than just this. But it was funny because, you know, if you're thinking it's disorder in this area, like, there's a way that that could have impacted my relationships with other parents. Like, what if my whole self worth or my peace and happiness all resided in? How how much of an athlete my daughter was at this age. Right? And all of a sudden she doesn't make the cut. And so she I'm like upset with the coach. And then I'm jealous of other parents whose kids made the team.

Rachel Balducci [00:53:30]:
And I'm upset with the girls who maybe have the place that my daughter could have. Just be at peace, like, you know, and I'm not even saying the Lord allowed it. It's just like, I mean, but I know, you know, like, God's in the midst of all these things, but it's kind of like, you know, this is the situation and we have to be at peace with it. And then it's funny. So, you know, being at peace with that and then fast forward and there ended up being a game where she got pulled in and got to play and got to play a bunch in this one varsity game because she's tall. And it's the same thing you're saying. It's like, then it'd be easy to be like, you know, well, look how great in it. So it's like we celebrate the goodness, but also we don't walk around strutting after that and being like, you know, look at this.

Rachel Balducci [00:54:15]:
We need to just humbly humble gratitude for all of it? And I know I'm saying all these things theoretically. I get the temptation, you know, and and that's where like, I'm able to be really honest with my husband too and be like, you know, I kind of it was a little bit hard for me that she didn't make the team, and he's you know, he tends to be more like, she's only in 9th grade, you know, like and that same feeling of, like, I don't want her to have this sense of, like, you know, not ever having struggles. You know? Like Mhmm. For when the good stuff comes, you're grateful for it instead of just feeling like everything owed to you. You know? Right.

Kenna Millea [00:54:51]:
You're entitled.

Rachel Balducci [00:54:52]:
Yeah. Exactly.

Kenna Millea [00:54:54]:
Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, Rachel, this feels like a good moment to pivot into our challenge by choice. I'm curious, like, what you want to draw out of this and encourage our listeners to to take up to to take all of this to heart and move it forward into their lives.

Rachel Balducci [00:55:10]:
Sure. So, I I always like to mention every time I can, something I heard from a priest years ago at a very formative point in my family life. And I was at this point where I was hungering for something. And I didn't know at the time, but it was really God just drawing me closer to him. And it was at such a crazy time in family life that I knew it couldn't be me because I felt like I barely had time to notice anything. And there was some stirring that I had in me and and now recognizes, like, God inviting me deeper, you know, into the deep with him in prayer. And it was around this time that we had a priest who ended up being at our parish just for a year, but he was incredible. And I remember him saying in a homily one week, holiness is the best gift you can give your family.

Rachel Balducci [00:55:58]:
And, you know, holiness really always is the answer. Now that doesn't mean scrupulosity or, you know, some false sense of, like, never messing up. But here's here's the challenge that I wanna offer because this was so transformative for me is getting to a place where we start to spend time in prayer. Now I know when when I first started feeling this stirring in me, I'm like, if I if the house is quiet, that's dangerous. Right? You know, like, I'm not I'm not gonna be, like, going off into a quiet room and shutting the door and, you know, so I'm very, like, I have not lost the sense of reality with all of this. But, you know, even if we, at the start of each day, say, you know, desire to pray. Like, you know, if you find that you want more, like, I don't even, you know, maybe you don't even have that desire to spend time with the Lord, but it's like, give me that desire. And then for me, I started to say, show me during my day today, like, I don't have a lot of control over the comings and goings, show me when I can sit in your presence quietly.

Rachel Balducci [00:57:11]:
And once I started to pray that prayer, all of a sudden it would be like the boys would all be quietly playing, you know, or like people would be napping and it would be quiet. And so instead of hopping on the computer, getting on my phone, it's like I could sit in that space even for 10 minutes not everybody necessarily like relates to the Lord in the same way. And I love that too. Like, there's space for all of us. Some people feel really close to God when they're singing and some people feel, you know, the point of prayer is to start to make that connection with the Lord. Like in spiritual direction recently, my spiritual director started with a prayer that said, Jesus, you are our friend love that. Like, do I operate out of a sense of the truth of God really loving me and being for me? You know, we can't know that unless we spend time with our savior who loves us. You know, when I had this shift where I thought of prayer as sort of petitions.

Rachel Balducci [00:58:17]:
Like Mhmm. I'm kinda struggling here. You know, I'm

Kenna Millea [00:58:21]:
As if God doesn't know those things yet. Like, I'm here to inform you.

Rachel Balducci [00:58:25]:
If I articulate it, then he'll know better. Yeah. But but feeling like prayer became this thing where it was like an airing of grievances almost. You know? Mhmm. Here's what's going on. And then, of course, I could not stop there. I'd have to and here's how I think you should fix it. You know? Yes.

Rachel Balducci [00:58:43]:
So if that's the level of our prayer life, that's why I didn't wanna sit and pray because it was like an anxiety inducing echo. Let me just fixate on what's not going well in my life right now. Yeah. Real prayer is going to the space within us that only the Lord has access to. Like, I love the reality of, like, there is a place in me outside of what the world says about me that is outside of the good or bad choices my children are making. It's outside of the mistakes that I've made. And it's a place that the Trinity dwells within me and I get to be in the sacred space, you know, with Jesus. And the more I can tune into that, the more I hear truth spoken to me about who I am.

Rachel Balducci [00:59:34]:
And then it becomes less about outside of just the temporal things of my life. Yeah. And then we can go through our day with a real sense of like who we are in the Lord and our in our sense of self comes from something so much deeper. And so my my challenge is to be open to asking the Lord to 1, help me want to pray Jesus and then draw me closer to you or help you know, God's always drawing us closer to him, but help me to be in tune with

Kenna Millea [01:00:13]:
Yeah.

Rachel Balducci [01:00:13]:
With your leadings and and to get to that place where we can sit in the silence, you know, with Jesus and hear him connect with us, feel his connection, feel his love. And when I started to do that, it it really just changed everything for me. So that's that's my challenge is, you know, to to start to even just ask the Lord to reveal himself more.

Kenna Millea [01:00:36]:
Yeah. I love it. Thank you. I our kids will often ask me to sit in their room, like, in the dark after I've tucked them in. And, like, any like you, Rachel, and any parent listening knows, bedtime feels like your, like, freedom bell is ringing. And, like, the last thing I wanna do is, like, sit here and not do things. Like, are you do you know how to meet emails and how many dishes and I wanna hang out with your father? Like, you know, just all these things. But I'm thinking about, like, might that be the way the Lord has been showing me lately that he's been making a little space in the quiet when I when I know that they're not setting things on fire or, you know, ding dong ditching the neighbors in their undies.

Kenna Millea [01:01:19]:
We had that happen once. So, that Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Well, I would love to close this in prayer, Rachel, to round out this conversation. So let's do that. In the name of the Father, and the Son and the Holy Spirit.

Kenna Millea [01:01:36]:
Amen. Lord Jesus, you love us. You love us so deeply. You love us beyond our imaginings. And you love our children. You love our spouses. You love those that we care for so deeply, with great mercy and with perfect detached love. And so we ask, Lord, that you would give us the grace to be more conformed to that love, that really does will the good of the other as other, as separate from us.

Kenna Millea [01:02:15]:
And and for the grace to receive that kind of love for ourselves that that we can really find our home in you. Our sense of self, our sense of security, our peace, our joy may be in you, and that we can increasingly day by day, season by season, turn our time, turn our minds toward you, surrender ourselves more completely to you. I ask for your blessing upon Rachel and upon the Balducci family, upon her studies and in the ministries that you've entrusted to her. And I ask for your blessing on our listeners, Lord, that this conversation can bear beautiful fruit in their lives. And we entrust all of this to your good and holy name, Lord. Amen.

Rachel Balducci [01:03:06]:
Amen. In the

Kenna Millea [01:03:07]:
name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen. Well, Rachel, it has been an honor and such a gift. So thank you. I I can only imagine, yeah, what what our listeners will learn, how God will speak to them through your stories, through your humor, through your honesty. So thank you.

Rachel Balducci [01:03:27]:
Well, thank you for having me. This has been so much fun and just a beautiful conversation. I'm so happy to be here.

Kenna Millea [01:03:33]:
Yeah. And thank you listeners for, joining us once again for your continued, faithfulness to this journey of sanity and sanctity. So until next time, connect with us on this whole life podcast dot com, through Facebook and Instagram, @thiswholelifepodcast, and feel free to shoot us an email. Let us know, how you are making more space to really receive your identity in the Lord, and therefore, show up in your vocation even more fully, authentically, and freely. Until next time. God bless you.

Kenna Millea [01:04:13]:
This Whole Life is a production of the Martin Center For Integration. Visit us online at thiswholelifepodcast.com.

Kenna Millea [01:04:32]:
Always the hardest part is just getting started. So I'm just gonna take a breath.