Ep76 Top Ten Parenting Hacks

“See, I am sending you out like sheep into the midst of wolves; so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves."
~ Matthew 10:16

Is there any way to make parenting less stressful?
What can I do to make our life less chaotic?
How can our family be a little more sane & connected?

Let's face it - parenting in the 21st century is not for the faint of heart. In episode 76 of This Whole Life, Kenna and Pat dive into their top 10 parenting hacks, offering real-life tips for bringing sanity and sanctity to family life. From the “Team Millea" mentality that fosters solidarity to practical routines like weekly family meetings and consistent chore delegation, Kenna and Pat share what actually works for their family of nine. They also discuss navigating finances, the art of doing tomorrow’s prep today, embracing their village, and the power of letting go of comparison. Whether you have one child or many, this episode is packed with hope, encouragement, and actionable tools to help you parent with intention in today’s chaotic world.

Episode 76 Show Notes

Chapters:

0:00: Introduction and Highs & Hards
7:56: Parenting hacks & why we don't identify our kids
10:49: Hack #1: The "Team Millea" Mentality
14:44: Hack #2: Weekly Family Meetings
18:39: Hack #3: Chores for Everyone!
24:48: Hack #4: One-on-One Time
28:55: Hack #5: Do your "tomorrow self" a favor today
32:53: Hack #6: It takes a village
34:57: Hack #7: Get clever about finances
41:08: Hack #8: Being shrewd about food
44:10: Hack #9: Double (or triple/quadruple) dip on activites
46:16: Hack #10: If it doesn't work for you, *Let it go!*
49:27: Challenge By Choice

Reflection Questions:

1. What is one specific thing that stuck with you from this conversation?
2. What are the things that cause stress, chaos, disagreements, and anxiety in your family?
3. What is one of these "hacks"/suggestions that might help your family function with more joy and peace?
4. What is your vision for parenting & family life?
5. How are your day to day efforts moving toward that vision? How are they moving you away from that vision?

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction and Highs & Hards
• 7:56 Parenting hacks & why we don't identify our kids
• 10:49 Hack #1: The "Team Millea" Mentality
• 14:44 Hack #2: Weekly Family Meetings
• 18:39 Hack #3: Chores for Everyone!
• 24:48 Hack #4: One-on-One Time
• 28:55 Hack #5: Do your "tomorrow self" a favor today
• 32:53 Hack #6: It takes a village
• 34:57 Hack #7: Get clever about finances
• 41:08 Hack #8: Being shrewd about food
• 44:10 Hack #9: Double (or triple/quadruple) dip on activites
• 46:16 Hack #10: If it doesn't work for you, *Let it go!*
• 49:27 Challenge By Choice

Transcript

Pat Millea [00:00:00]:
This Team Millea mentality that we are all in this together. And it's this early and often lesson in solidarity. The earlier that we start with our kids talking to them about things that matter, the easier it's going to be for them to comprehend those abstract principles later in life, too.

Kenna Millea [00:00:21]:
Welcome to This Whole Life, a podcast for all of us seeking sanity and sanctity and a place to find joy and meaning through the integration of faith and mental health. I'm Kenna Millea, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and I'm with my husband, Pat Millea, a Catholic speaker, musician, and leader. We invite you to our kitchen table. Okay. Not literally, but you're definitely invited into the conversations that we seem to keep having once the kids have scattered off to play and we're left doing the dishes. We're excited to share this podcast. For educational purposes, it is not intended as therapy or as a substitute for mental health care. So let's get talking about This Whole Life.

Kenna Millea [00:01:12]:
Welcome back to This Whole Life. We are so excited to welcome you to our new recording studio.

Pat Millea [00:01:18]:
Welcome aboard.

Kenna Millea [00:01:19]:
Coming not only for your ears, but for your eyes as well. So welcome, my love. Thanks for working hard on this with not only our. In collaboration with our donors who gave us so much of this equipment through their generous contributions, but also through some folks in the community who have been lending their expertise to us so that you could set this up.

Pat Millea [00:01:38]:
You are very welcome. I know a lot about a lot of things, but I know almost nothing about lights and cameras and colors and angles and all the things that really matter for video recording. So I'm really glad they can see you clearly, and I'm really sad that they can see me so well.

Kenna Millea [00:01:56]:
You're good. You're good. So today we're talking about parenting hacks, which was something that you brought up as, like, hey, we should talk about this. Because just in our own lived empirical wisdom that comes whether or not we want it, thought we might have some things to share and also open up the question box, or the suggestion box, rather. There we go. For what other things folks in the listening community are finding really helpful. So we'll dig into that in just a moment, but I'm in the driver's seat right now. So.

Kenna Millea [00:02:24]:
High and hard of life lately? No, no, no surprises. Just high and hard.

Pat Millea [00:02:28]:
Okay. All right. Okay.

Kenna Millea [00:02:29]:
You knew what was coming.

Pat Millea [00:02:30]:
Yes, I did. My hard lately has been. It's a very wonderful hard. But we just last week opened a second location of the Martin center for Integration here in the Twin Cities of Minnesota. Which is the business that produces This Whole Life. And it also has a robust counseling and therapy arm to it. So we opened a second office out in the western suburbs here. And it takes so much work and coordination to open an office.

Pat Millea [00:03:02]:
And it was very hard. It was totally worth it. The new counselors and therapists that we have on our team are amazing. Uh, we've got the chance to serve more people, but holy cow, if I never have to put together another couch or move furniture upstairs, I will be so happy.

Kenna Millea [00:03:20]:
So much work.

Pat Millea [00:03:20]:
Bit of a challenge. Yep, yep. Me and our oldest son were there late last night doing some more work on it, and I'm sure we'll keep working on it until we move out someday, but totally worth it. Totally wonderful. But just a challenge. And, yeah, difficult. My high is that a few weeks ago we got to go to the city of Indianapolis, which is very important to you and me, my love, because we started dating in Indy. We fell in love in Indy.

Pat Millea [00:03:47]:
I proposed to you in Indy. More importantly, you said yes in Indy. That was my first, like, real big kid job after grad school. So the city, like, will always kind of have my heart as, like, the first place where I really began being a full fledged adult, you know, so we got to go stay with some friends. We got to go catch up with lots of people that we care about. We didn't get to see as many people as I would have wanted to because we were there for like 36 hours. But me and our oldest two sons, my dad, my brother, and one of my brothers, and one of my brothers and one of my brothers in law went to the Indianapolis 500 race, which is just so great. It is fun.

Pat Millea [00:04:28]:
350,000 people watching cars go fast. And I am not a big racing guy. I don't know jack about cars. I don't watch racing 364 days of the year, but that race is so awesome. And especially having two of our boys there for the first time, they were losing their minds with excitement. It was just. It was a super, super high. It was great.

Kenna Millea [00:04:47]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pat Millea [00:04:49]:
And you?

Kenna Millea [00:04:51]:
Well, yeah, picking up on your hard of opening the office. Let me. Let me leave that for my high. That is my high, I'm gonna say, in life lately, both personally and professionally, I've just had to have some, like, hard conversations with people and walk with people through some really challenging things. And as much as I am trained for this, both like in education, but also, like, I do believe the Lord has made me to do this job and has Gifted me in ways, suited me for it. Like, it still wears on you. It's still hard. Like, you're still in the midst of human suffering and brokenness and relationships that are strained.

Kenna Millea [00:05:33]:
And it. It just. It takes a toll. And so, yeah, just trying to figure out, like, how do I recover? Well, how do I. Yeah. Seek my own renewal and healing of things that I've witnessed and observed. That's been hard of life lately. The high is the fruits of all of your labors, of getting the office ready, of having these clinicians who are amazing and.

Kenna Millea [00:06:01]:
And I. I trust, like, God is going to do incredible things through them, being able to serve them, work hard, knowing that they are going to be in an office where they feel really dignified and cared for, where their clients feel loved and thought of. That's a gift. And I'm really grateful to be participating in and to be doing it with you. I can't imagine having a business partner that's not my spouse. I know that happens. That's. That's more the norm than what we do.

Kenna Millea [00:06:30]:
And it's. It is. We joke that the Martin Center is our eighth child, but like, it. It is growing something, giving life to something together.

Pat Millea [00:06:40]:
It's a joint project of creation. Yeah.

Kenna Millea [00:06:43]:
Yeah. And so just feeling really grateful.

Pat Millea [00:06:45]:
Yeah. Yeah. Good. Good work.

Kenna Millea [00:06:47]:
And we seem to have escaped unscathed. So so far, the marriage doesn't seem to be any worse, maybe better as a result of it. Seriously.

Pat Millea [00:06:55]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I'm really excited to talk about some parenting hacks. These are, you know, some things that we have gained from hard knocks and experience and lots of failure for 16 years now. Some of it is stuff that we've learned from folks that we really look up to and respect and people that have given us wisdom about marriage and about parenting. We. We are not parenting experts. We will.

Kenna Millea [00:07:19]:
This is not a parenting podcast.

Pat Millea [00:07:21]:
That's right.

Kenna Millea [00:07:22]:
This is not change.

Pat Millea [00:07:23]:
No, no. This is a mental and spiritual health podcast. But nothing will ruin your mental health faster than not having a game plan for dinner at 4:45 when the children.

Kenna Millea [00:07:36]:
Are in baby mode, because.

Pat Millea [00:07:39]:
Yes, right. So it's very related to what we usually talk about. We're not going to be writing any parenting books or anything like that. We are on the learning track along with you. So as kind of mentioned at the beginning, if you have suggestions, I'm not joking, please tell us, because we are always open to learning. But these are just 10 things that have really helped us kind of have a modicum of order in an Otherwise chaotic life. We have, I've been told, a relatively large family. So we have come to a lot of these things by abject necessity that if we didn't do these things, our life would not work at all.

Pat Millea [00:08:15]:
But this is not necessarily big family parenting hacks. These are just things that help contribute to sanity and sanctity in a family system, helping parents live out their values by parenting their children in a way that works well with the demands of the world. So we, you know, along this conversation, we'll talk about our kids a lot. And it struck me, as we were getting ready for this, that we've never really explained on the podcast or even on social media. I don't think why we don't identify our kids by name on the podcast or we don't show their faces on social media. There are a lot of reasons for that. I know a lot of people, you know, are fairly public with their kids on social media and in podcast videos, things like that. For us, it's one of our values in our parenting is wanting to give our children the ability to write their own story, essentially, to certainly protect their privacy in a world of digital information.

Pat Millea [00:09:13]:
That's a little bit scary sometimes, but even more than that, just not having something written about them before they have the chance to live it out and create their own journey. So we'll talk about our kids a lot in this episode. I'm sure you won't hear their names if you know who they're talking about, because you know us. That's great. Good for you. But if not, it's just probably not.

Kenna Millea [00:09:33]:
One of the people we're afraid of.

Pat Millea [00:09:34]:
Exactly. That's right. And the beauty, of course, is that the name of the kid doesn't affect these hacks or any of the strategies that we use in parenting. So we'll have a chance to kind of get specific about that. So are you ready?

Kenna Millea [00:09:45]:
I'm ready. Buckle up. There's 10 of these.

Pat Millea [00:09:47]:
There are 10.

Kenna Millea [00:09:48]:
10.

Pat Millea [00:09:49]:
Our top 10 parenting hacks. Not in necessarily order of importance.

Kenna Millea [00:09:53]:
Yeah.

Pat Millea [00:09:53]:
Just in order that they came to our brains. So you decide how important these are for yourself as you're listening. Number one, the Team Millea mentality. One of the. One of the core tenets of Catholic social teaching, this great kind of collection of teachings that the church has collected through scripture and tradition over generations, is this principle of solidarity, that we as a human family are not a bunch of individuals simply living on the same planet, that we are all united to each other as the family of God. That no matter Someone's faith background. All of us were created by God, so we're united in that relationship, at minimum, which is one of the many reasons that things like racism and sexism and ageism, all the different ways that we oppress and judge and discriminate unjustly, that those are evil and they need to be avoided. That same solidarity applies in a family.

Pat Millea [00:10:55]:
And we are not simply nine people living in a building trying to get through each day together. You and I are not simply business partners, although we are that too. We are a family system that's united and we have a common purpose. The problem is that we are fallen people and we forget that every hour of the day. I think about that a lot, actually. Driving. The new office that we just opened is far away from our house. And what we as drivers, all of us drivers, should have during rush hour is a good sense of solidarity.

Pat Millea [00:11:27]:
One for one, one for all.

Kenna Millea [00:11:29]:
United against the common enemy, that is traffic.

Pat Millea [00:11:30]:
United against construction. That's right. Not the construction workers. I'm really glad they're there. They're doing their job.

Kenna Millea [00:11:36]:
Yeah.

Pat Millea [00:11:36]:
Thanks guys.

Kenna Millea [00:11:36]:
Don't shoot the messenger.

Pat Millea [00:11:38]:
The cones, that's the problem, right?

Kenna Millea [00:11:40]:
The lane closure.

Pat Millea [00:11:41]:
Exactly. The closed exit, the solidarity that comes with traffic. Now the problem is we as traffic drivers in the United States don't often function like that. And it's me against the world, right. I'm trying to beat every individual to my home and get there as fast as possible. And sure, like if you're in the slow lane, get to the fast lane, that's fine, no big deal. But if I'm doing that in a way that's dangerous or in a way that is scary or hurtful to other people, that's a big problem on the road and in our family. What we talk about a lot is this Team Millea mentality that we are all in this together.

Pat Millea [00:12:15]:
And it's this early and often lesson in solidarity. The earlier that we start with our kids, talking to them about things that matter, the easier it's going to be for them to comprehend those abstract principles later in life too. In episode 10, we talked about coaching kids who argue. And it gets into the same practice as well. We as the parents are not the all knowing omniscient beings that are telling children how to live their lives. We're in this together and we're going to help them kind of live their life in a way where we can work together as a family.

Kenna Millea [00:12:44]:
Well, and just yesterday, our youngest sons were asked to clean up their bedroom and oldest son was with you working on the office. And he had a meeting and they said, that's not fair. He didn't do his part before he left. And I said, you're right, it's not fair. I can validate that. And also it like, it's give and take. There are times when he has done things when you weren't around that were, quote, your job. There are times when he's lifted, you know, more of the task because he's older and bigger and whatever.

Kenna Millea [00:13:17]:
That, that Team Millea mentality helps in those moments when kids protest that it's not fair. It's like, it's not. Except that we all benefit when your room is cleaned up, you all sleep in there, you all benefit when you wake up in the morning and you see that your clothes are put away, the dirty stuff is in the laundry and the towels are hung up. So, yeah, this, this sense of we all do benefit because we are interconnected in the body of Christ. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. Okay, number two. Oh, man, we talk so much about this.

Kenna Millea [00:13:47]:
But weekly family meetings. So on episode 36, nope, 38, we go in depth, right? Deep, deep, deep dive on family meetings. But just to say, I mean, I was joking before we got on here, Pat, like Mass, date night, family meetings. Like I would say those three things in that order are like what have kept us sane and connected over these 16 years.

Pat Millea [00:14:09]:
The holy trinity of family survival.

Kenna Millea [00:14:12]:
Yeah, the holy trinity of family survival. Okay, so family meetings. You want more information, like, go get it over there. But I think that that part of something. We didn't talk about this in that episode 38, but as our kids have gotten older, drawing them in, especially in moments of change. Right. So we're coming into, we've just come into summer. We've made the transition from the school schedule, the sports schedule, the homework, all of that, the chore schedule, even into summer and having a sit down and being able to say, here's what the morning routine is going to look like.

Kenna Millea [00:14:43]:
Here's what the pre dinner routine is going to look like. Here's what, you know, having treats is going to look like because it is different than during the school year. Here's what bedtimes are going to look like. Just everyone being on the same page, super important for you and I certainly as leaders of the family, but also to get their buy in, to let them express. Like one of our kids when we were talking about it, said, you know, in the past we had like a reward at the end of the week if we did a really great Job being obedient and being helpful and respectful to the nanny and to each other during the week. Like, could we do that again? You know, in a family meeting? That's a perfect time for them to bring it up and for you and I to say, like, yeah, let's talk about that. Let's come up with something. So family meetings are great in seasons of change, which, by the way, is also when you feel like you don't have the time for them.

Kenna Millea [00:15:27]:
Right. Like, coming into summer, you're like, we're drowning. We don't have time for an hour and a half long.

Pat Millea [00:15:31]:
What do you mean, a family meeting?

Kenna Millea [00:15:32]:
Yeah. Conversation. And it's like, well, that's when you really need it. I would also say it's a good opportunity to kind of look and. And consider has there been some maturation and development, God willing, where some things need to be changed? So we kind of cycled everyone up a degree on the post dinner chores recently. We were like, hey, the little girls are capable of more than they've been in the past, so let's move some stuff around. So that was really beneficial too.

Pat Millea [00:15:59]:
Yeah. Yeah. Which is. That can be a little. It can feel exhausting at times because. And it's one of the exhausting things about parenting. It. You can never just sell.

Kenna Millea [00:16:10]:
It's so dynamic. It's so dynamic.

Pat Millea [00:16:11]:
You can never rest on your laurels. The moment that you get comfortable with one stage or age of child, all of a sudden you blink and that kid is three years older, and now they need a license. You know, it just. It. It. It is exhausting at times, but, man, is it valuable to remain flexible, dynamic, to move with your kids as they grow and to kind of lead them into the next stage.

Kenna Millea [00:16:35]:
And I will also say quickly that one of the things that I see often when parents bring their adolescent teen in is a family has gotten stuck, not necessarily around chores, but has just mentally gotten stuck about what their child's privileges and responsibilities should be, where they're at, just developmentally. So I think this is a small way too. Of like a constant reminder. It's like a check engine light. You know, check engine oil light. Of like, hey, just in general, we should take a consideration of like, yeah, what privileges, what responsibilities, what bedtimes? All that can be renewed around family meetings.

Pat Millea [00:17:11]:
You were right the first time, by the way. It's just the check engine light. That's okay. Yeah.

Kenna Millea [00:17:14]:
It doesn't say check engine oil. You check the whole engine.

Pat Millea [00:17:16]:
There's a separate light for oil. But the check engine light is Its own thing. Yeah, that's the scary one because you don't know what's happening in there. The oil light is like, ah, whatever, I need more oil. But the engine light is like, maybe the engine fell out, I don't know. Just kidding. There's no light.

Kenna Millea [00:17:30]:
I won't tell you what I used to do in high school when I saw the check engine light.

Pat Millea [00:17:32]:
I know what you used to do in high school. Can you enlighten the rest of our folks?

Kenna Millea [00:17:35]:
Nope. Point number three.

Pat Millea [00:17:39]:
Speaking of chores, which you mentioned a second ago, hack number three, everyone gets chores.

Kenna Millea [00:17:46]:
If you can walk, you can do a chore.

Pat Millea [00:17:47]:
If you can walk, you can do a chore. Now the problem, of course, little sidebar, is that the moment kids want to walk, start to walk, they want to do every chore. And some of the things are way more, they do more harm than good for the family. So that is a different issue. But it is great to start having kids be involved in chores at an early age for a lot of reasons. There are two specific studies that I've come across recently, one of them a Harvard study that is 85 years long and ongoing. So it's a generational study, not a short little sample size. They found a significant correlation between children doing chores at a young age and success and achievement at as adults.

Kenna Millea [00:18:27]:
Sure.

Pat Millea [00:18:28]:
Now you and I are not in the business necessarily of telling people to go out there and be successful, high achieving people. But it does make sense that someone who feels a sense of self worth, they feel like they're a part of a system, they feel necessary to that system. They learn empathy and sacrifice and selflessness. It makes sense that those would be the kind of people that would grow up to be people who are really competent in the world around them, able to function and be flexible in, in family, in business, in social life. You know, the second study found a really significant correlation between kids doing a chore, doing chores as a child, and happiness as an adult. That they are happier people, that they feel

Kenna Millea [00:19:10]:
So miserable as children, but happy as adults.

Pat Millea [00:19:13]:
They use up all their misery before they're 18.

Kenna Millea [00:19:17]:
This is what I'm gonna tell the children.

Pat Millea [00:19:18]:
And that's when they are at peak angst with their parents, at least in my case. And then the older they get, they look back and they realize, oh, the misery actually worked. They squeezed the misery out of me and now I can be so happy. Thanks, mom and dad.

Kenna Millea [00:19:30]:
It is cleaning day at our house.

Pat Millea [00:19:32]:
Yes, it is. Yeah, that's what all of our kids are thinking right now. But Yeah, I can't even imagine, first of all how much our family would fall apart if the kids didn't do chores and pitch in. Like our house would constantly be a disaster.

Kenna Millea [00:19:48]:
Literally not possible.

Pat Millea [00:19:49]:
Literally not possible. Yeah. So it's good for the family, first of all, but I genuinely believe that it's good for them. You know, studies aside, I, I think it really matters that kids are trained in the discipline, in the selflessness, in the sacrifice that it takes to do the work necessary to help the family. So in our family we've got a set system of after meal cleanup. So we have twin six year old girls and a five year old daughter. They are in charge of clearing the table and sometimes they do a terrible job. But that is part of growing up and learning.

Kenna Millea [00:20:22]:
When they're on it, they're on it.

Pat Millea [00:20:23]:
Though when they're on it, they're on credit. Yes, that's right. So they clear the table. Moving up the scale, 8 year old son wipes down the table and any chairs that need wiping down. Sometimes he needs a little check on his work but he generally does a very good job. Moving on up, nine, ten year old son. He's not nine or ten, he's like nine and a half. Nearing ten.

Pat Millea [00:20:44]:
He's in charge of the floor, the dining room floor.

Kenna Millea [00:20:46]:
It's the worst job.

Pat Millea [00:20:47]:
Don't tell him. He will sweep. He'll have to wipe down the floor, sometimes on his hands, his knees, which is the worst because the 5 and 6 year olds can still not quite manage the food on the plate situation. So he does the floor. Our 12 year old son will load the dishwasher and he's very good at that. He's very efficient at it.

Kenna Millea [00:21:06]:
So efficient.

Pat Millea [00:21:07]:
Wouldn't you agree? I think he loads the dishwasher.

Kenna Millea [00:21:09]:
Oh my gosh. Stop it. Right, that's another episode. Keep going. Because you taught him how to load the dishwasher. We're not even going to step on that one. And our 14 year old daughter, and.

Pat Millea [00:21:18]:
We have a 14 year old daughter who is released from all after meal chores because she is the eternal laundry doer in our home.

Kenna Millea [00:21:28]:
Self selected.

Pat Millea [00:21:29]:
Self selected, she would rather do it that way.

Pat Millea [00:21:31]:
Yes. She's very introverted and she loves being around our family but she also loves doing things alone frequently. So the fact that she can wash and fold and sort and put away laundry without other people in the room messing with her business is really the way she would like it to be. Yep.

Kenna Millea [00:21:49]:
We should say our oldest two, sometimes three, generally will ask to listen to music if it's not a good time for the family to be listening to music, they'll use our AirPods so they can just be in their own land. But I'm totally like, yes, if that makes you a more cheerful giver, let's do it.

Pat Millea [00:22:04]:
Yeah, no kidding. Right? Right, Right. And the other little. This is a little side hack. You know, we also have, we have morning chores that everyone does, especially in the summer when they're home in the mornings. We have afternoon chores in the school year. Those are after school chores that people do when they get home. They have to unpack from school.

Pat Millea [00:22:20]:
They have to do a little simple chore at the end of the school day. Things like that. One of the other little hacks that we learned kind of accidentally is the beauty of reading to kids while they do chores. So we are. I say we. I'm including you in this. I, I am a Harry Potter fan and if that hurts your feelings that when you're listening, I apologize for that. But we have become a Harry Potter family because I said so.

Pat Millea [00:22:46]:
And our children, our oldest two children, I've read all seven of the books to them now over the past, what's it been, maybe four or five years, Something like that, probably. And at some point early on, I think you and I learned if I just sit down on the couch and read to them for like 45 minutes, it is definitely not wasted time. That is beautiful time. But what if the kitchen is absolute hurricane level disaster? It feels ridiculous to just ignore that. Right?

Kenna Millea [00:23:14]:
So luxurious.

Pat Millea [00:23:15]:
So what we worked out with the children is that they would do the cleaning of the kitchen while I sit and read to them.

Kenna Millea [00:23:22]:
They make lunches. A lot of times during school year, they'll make lunches.

Pat Millea [00:23:25]:
We'll talk about that later on. So parents, man. Can I tell you the beauty of just sitting and relaxing and reading to your kids while they do the work? It is beautiful. And it's not. This is not manipulation. Like they have agreed to this as well.

Kenna Millea [00:23:39]:
Oh, they love it.

Pat Millea [00:23:39]:
Part of the deal. Right?

Kenna Millea [00:23:40]:
And 40 minutes goes by like in a snap for everybody. Yes.

Pat Millea [00:23:43]:
It's so great.

Kenna Millea [00:23:44]:
Yeah.

Pat Millea [00:23:44]:
So it's take that and run with it.

Kenna Millea [00:23:46]:
It's awesome. So one on one time, which has gotten increasingly challenging for us as children have come along, sometimes in pairs. We weren't anticipating, but finding one on one time, even just in the midst of jobs, like when we had two kids and we were both working, being able to figure out how to. Yeah. Meet them in their interests and what they needed. We are big Fans of small doses of really intentional focused attention because that's the reality of our life. Like we can't, we're not taking long trips, you know, weekends away with one child at a time. But something we often do on a weekly basis unless the schedule precludes is Saturday morning daily Mass and then going out for a Mass and an outing.

Kenna Millea [00:24:33]:
Like our kids know, they get so excited because it usually means a donut. Yeah. And. Or hot chocolate or chocolate milk or apple juice or whatever. So they get super pumped about. Leaves the other parent at home to like have a slower Saturday morning and to get things done or snuggle with kids or whatever, get ready for whatever's ahead in the day. So that's one way. Another way is just maximizing tuck ins.

Kenna Millea [00:24:58]:
I mean kids just naturally want. Right. It's why they stall at bedtime because they want you and they want more of you and they want to feel really securely connected to you before you go to bed. And so just letting that be the time. There are several days where I'll, you know, go to tuck in a kid and I'm like, I haven't really had like a one on one conversation with you. And so just to like linger there, you know, share highs and hards or you know, how did baseball go today? Or how did that camp, you know, go? Or did you get to see Johnny, you know, today at recess? Whatever, whatever. Getting to just have five minutes like, you know, it does fill their cup. Like it's.

Kenna Millea [00:25:33]:
You can't live a whole life on just five minute, you know, interactions. But like really that focused time, blessing them, praying over them, snuggle in. So much physical touch. Our kids always want their backs rubbed or you know, what have you singing to them. Like that's my moment to just really, you know, sink in to the quality time and being with them. So that one on one is super important. The other thing is I have found especially, yeah. Because of the chaos of the ages and also the number of kids is they don't get to go on a lot of errands with us.

Kenna Millea [00:26:09]:
Right. Like we do a lot of okay, you're home, then I'll run to the store and go do that thing. And so getting to be one on one for a car ride, even if it's up to menards, you know, for seven minutes there and back is a big deal to our kids. Like letting them pick the music like that is so huge again because they're always vying, you know, against others or against our own preferences.

Pat Millea [00:26:30]:
And then we had four kids at a basketball camp. Four of the younger kids at a basket basketball camp. And I had to run to Costco during this basketball camp. And I told the youngest, who's five, and the oldest two, who are 12 and 14, hey, guys, you're coming with me to Costco. And I was bracing for a little consternation.

Kenna Millea [00:26:48]:
Oh, really?

Pat Millea [00:26:48]:
From the older kids especially. And they were like, you know.

Kenna Millea [00:26:51]:
Yeah.

Pat Millea [00:26:53]:
Sweet. Yeah. I mean, maybe they were just chasing the samples, but I. I do think it is this thing where, like, this is.

Kenna Millea [00:26:58]:
Yeah, it's novel time they don't get.

Pat Millea [00:26:59]:
To spend with us. Really?

Kenna Millea [00:27:00]:
Yeah, yeah. And they talked about it. They talked about, like, how funny it was and, you know, different things they tried whatever and saw at the store. So just, I don't know, I guess just maximizing, looking for those opportunities. Like, anything can become quality if your focus, if your attention is on the one that you're with.

Pat Millea [00:27:16]:
Yeah. We'll get to the challenge by choice later. But that bedtime tuck in is to be my challenge by choice because I am terrible at that.

Kenna Millea [00:27:23]:
Because you're just, you're like, ready for it to be done right. You. You're seeing all the things. Like the hand washing at the dishes is staring you down.

Pat Millea [00:27:30]:
I fight the battle of Gettysburg to get their teeth brushed and their pajamas on. I see this is a raw spot for you. Oh, ready? I am ready to see you in the morning. That's. That's what I'm ready for. I love you so much and you need sleep and I need to go.

Kenna Millea [00:27:46]:
Downstairs and I need a break.

Pat Millea [00:27:47]:
Oh, never mind. I'll see you five times in the next half hour. Okay? This will be fine. Oh, man. All right, sorry. Got a little too real. But I'm going to work on that number five. Do your tomorrow self as many favors as possible today.

Kenna Millea [00:28:02]:
I am also spoken from a night owl.

Pat Millea [00:28:05]:
Yes, correct. Well, so there's that. Yeah, but. So on one hand, I'm a night owl and I have tons of energy at night to kind of prep things and get stuff ready for the day. Your brain literally powers down at 9 o' clock and you can't even function anymore. I'm just waking up at that point. But besides the night owl thing, this thought process does not come naturally for me. I am a very like, in the moment kind of person, which is a blessing and a curse, depending on the situation that you're in.

Pat Millea [00:28:34]:
The first pastor I worked for in around Indianapolis, like I was talking about, he made us as a parish staff develop an 18 month, calendar, that we always knew what was coming up in the next 18 months. And at the time I was looking at him like, chill out, Father. Like, relax, we don't. 18. I don't know if I'm going to be working here in 18 months. Settle down. Why do we need to know when two parish festivals away is? But it was really, really prudent and wise. And of course things can change.

Pat Millea [00:29:04]:
That's fine. But you and I both know how fast something can sneak up on you if you don't have a plan for a year out as a business, as a parish, as a family with vacations and things, right? I think the same principle is true. You know, an 18 month calendar in a business or a church, I would say a 24 hour brain, as a parent, that right now, as we're recording, it is 12:30 on a Friday afternoon.

Kenna Millea [00:29:27]:
I'm not gonna lie, you've never been more attractive to me my whole life that you were thinking about these.

Pat Millea [00:29:34]:
Turn off the microphones. Just kidding. Thinking ahead 24 hours. Like tomorrow morning we have a baseball tournament to get to and we're gonna have to do some packing and prep to get the food and the stuff and the children.

Kenna Millea [00:29:50]:
Also, it's gonna rain, so rain gear.

Pat Millea [00:29:53]:
So maybe we'll just leave all that stuff in the van for the next time we go to a game. I don't know. But thinking ahead like that is going to save so much stress and anxiety so you don't get caught off guard by something that needed to happen five minutes ago. And I just didn't think ahead for it. You know, at night during the school year, we do a ridiculous amount of setting out backpacks ahead of time, putting out shoes, the gosh forsaken shoes. If I have to look for one more shoe.

Kenna Millea [00:30:20]:
Well, particularly because our kids go to a school where there is a very strict uniform and they literally do have to have a particular. It's not just any shoes. You have to wear the certain color shoe or the certain type of shoe for the day that you're going to have.

Pat Millea [00:30:32]:
But the fact that they came into the house wearing those two shoes, I mean 10 hours ago, and they have disappeared in those 10 hours. Not a single one is in sight. I will never be ceased. I never cease to be amazed at what kind of evil elves hide shoes in our house. So the backpacks, the shoes, the winter gear in Minnesota, sweet mercy, finding two mittens hats for everyone, I don't care if they match. That is not on my radar.

Kenna Millea [00:30:58]:
Not even. Doesn't Even be right and left.

Pat Millea [00:31:00]:
Correct.

Kenna Millea [00:31:00]:
Our kids regularly go with two right gloves. I don't know where all the lefts go, but we just always have right gloves.

Pat Millea [00:31:05]:
Is that a sock? I don't care. It's close enough. That can be a that is a new hack. No, it's not. I'm just mostly joking, but not really. And then you mentioned making lunches earlier. Man. Getting seven school lunches prepped in the morning, along with getting breakfast for kids.

Kenna Millea [00:31:20]:
Is a recipe for also usually throwing dinner into the instant or into the crock pot or.

Pat Millea [00:31:25]:
So we're making three meals in 20 minutes for 9 people. Everyone's at their best at 6:40 in the morning. So we're doing 27 servings in 20 minutes at 6:30 in the morning when everyone's really happy.

Kenna Millea [00:31:36]:
It's a reel in the making.

Pat Millea [00:31:37]:
Yeah. Oh my goodness. So we do lots of lunch prep the night before, dinner prep the night before. We'll like do chopping and prepping and stuff like that so we don't have to do in the morning. Just throw it all in the slow cooker and the instant pot. It's. It makes a big difference.

Kenna Millea [00:31:50]:
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So hack number six or category number six is it takes a village. And I do think that. And maybe it's just I always knew I wanted to work outside of the home. We knew we wanted, you know, many children. And I think early on I just ate the humble pie of like, I have to ask for help and I have to be thoughtful about who around me.

Kenna Millea [00:32:15]:
But might I be able to help? Right. Reciprocally, a symbiotic relationship of sorts.

Pat Millea [00:32:20]:
Totally.

Kenna Millea [00:32:21]:
Like, how can we do this together? And it takes a village. And the other thing is it takes a village. Sometimes that village includes strangers. And what I mean by that is outsourcing what you can. I consider the instacart drivers and shoppers to be part of my village. They are a critical. Often, definitely once a week, sometimes twice a week. Part of my village.

Kenna Millea [00:32:40]:
And like, I don't know what I would do without them truly. Like the like when it tells me when I sign on, like how many hours saved, I'm like, I believe you. I 100 believe you. And had I had children, it'd be that times another 50 at minimum. Yeah, yeah.

Pat Millea [00:32:53]:
Bringing kids to Aldi, Forget it. Yeah.

Kenna Millea [00:32:55]:
Oh my gosh. You know, there was a time in our life, it's not where we're at right now, but there was a time in our life when we had someone who would come and help clean our home every other week. And I Remember, like, being on the fence of like, should we do this? Shouldn't we do this? And I was talking to a friend. God bless you, Sheryl. Who was hearing me just, yeah. Kind of lament, like, all the reasons why I was hemming and hawing about this and what was holding me back. And I said, like, I should want to do this for my family. Like, I should want to clean our family's toilets.

Kenna Millea [00:33:21]:
And she was like, what? And she was like, no, there are people out there. If you have the means to outsource this, like, there are people who would happily do that, support their family as a result of being employed by you.

Pat Millea [00:33:31]:
Yeah.

Kenna Millea [00:33:31]:
And it frees you up to do other things for your family. It's not so that you can, like, go take an extra vacation, Kenna. Like, it's not so you can sit back and, you know, take a nap. Like, it's so that you can take care of the other things that you can't outsource, like parenting and disciplining and what have you. So outsourcing what you can. It takes a village. And just being on the lookout for ways that you could draw others in and ask for their help.

Pat Millea [00:33:56]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Number seven, the hack of dealing with finances and being shrewd with money. I think anyone with one child can understand how expensive a child is. And then you start multiplying that by kid after kid after kid after kid, and then they grow, and then they grow and they never stop eating ever. I thought four year olds complained about being hungry all the time. And then we had approaching teenage boys. I know it's going to get worse before it gets better. And that'll be fine.

Pat Millea [00:34:29]:
We'll send out a GoFundMe for our children's eating and food eventually. Just kidding. Our kids eat very well. It's fine. But you just. We do not have the means to do all the things that we would like to do. Right. Which is totally fine.

Pat Millea [00:34:43]:
I actually want to. One of my values for our family, one of our values is living a life where our children don't get to do wherever, whatever they want that they learn to prioritize. They learn to kind of triage that if I have this limited amount of time or money or energy, what are the things that are most important to me that I'm going to spend money on? And we do that as a family. So we do not go out to eat very much at all because. Partially because a trip to McDonald's is about $100.

Kenna Millea [00:35:11]:
Ridiculous.

Pat Millea [00:35:12]:
Yeah.

Kenna Millea [00:35:12]:
It is absurd. Guys. I grew up in the day of like a soft Taco, Taco bell was like 69 cents. It is like 250.

Pat Millea [00:35:19]:
I know, I know. Get over yourself, Taco Bell. Yeah. The quality is not improved. All right. Don't blame inflation. No tariffs on ground beef from the United States. Oh, my goodness.

Pat Millea [00:35:30]:
Anyway, this is not Taco Bell fan line. It's okay. So we do not eat out a lot. We cook at home almost every meal. And if we do eat out, oftentimes we'll do the like, havesies eat out. You know, where we'll go and have a picnic somewhere, maybe at a game for a kid or maybe just for fun. And we might go pick up nuggets and sandwiches from Chick Fil A. But we're gonna bring our own drinks and sides and chips and things like that.

Kenna Millea [00:35:57]:
Fruits, veggies.

Pat Millea [00:35:58]:
Fruits, veggies. Yeah. We don't need to pay a restaurant to give us fries when we can get chips from the store for $1.50 for our entire family. Right? So just being a little bit creative with, with things like that, especially with food, man. Things like musical instruments, sports equipment, clothes, secondhand baby. Oh, my goodness. You.

Kenna Millea [00:36:22]:
Can you say play it again sports?

Pat Millea [00:36:23]:
And Once upon a child to the play it again, sports. Hello. They are very familiar with us. It took one trip to Dick's Sporting Goods with our boys who were looking for new baseball bats for even them to get it. Like they're looking through the bats, the baseball bats at Dick's Sporting Goods. I honestly think the cheapest bat we found was like $90 maybe. And these are youth baseball bats, right? They were up to four or five hundred dollars. And the boys were like, what is happening? I was like, what is happening is we're driving down the road, boys gonna go find a pre owned baseball bat.

Pat Millea [00:36:56]:
And they get it, you know, and spoiler alert, the bat works fine.

Kenna Millea [00:37:00]:
But also, here's the thing too, right? Like, in a sense, this is a family hack. Because my anxiety and stress when our girls daily come in with new knee holes ripped into their leggings, or our boys come in with, you know, a broken baseball glove or ripped up ball, whatever. Like I have far less attachment to those things because it wasn't a huge investment. So there's a hack in this, like, emotionally as well, of like, I get to be more detached and I get to just let them be kids and do the things that they want to do with the stuff. And I'm like, it's not that big of a deal, right?

Pat Millea [00:37:35]:
And I'm not furious at a kid. I'm not outside of my window of tolerance screaming at a kid because they tore holes in their jacket or they lost that $20 catcher's mitt that we bought at Play it Again the other day. You know, it allows for a little more emotional stability, I think. And then the final financial hack is, is just the ability to. To let me put it this way, we don't get our kids birthday gifts.

Kenna Millea [00:38:02]:
And that started literally at our firstborn's first birthday. Yeah, it was. I think we were really, really, really, really, really, really poor then. We're just really poor now. But we were really a lot of really. And it was kind of necessity. But it was also like, how can we think about this differently? So this isn't like a seven kid thing. This was like from the beginning, we were just like you.

Kenna Millea [00:38:18]:
I mean, know what?

Pat Millea [00:38:19]:
What?

Kenna Millea [00:38:19]:
This is just our value.

Pat Millea [00:38:20]:
Yeah. Because what we value more than our kids getting more crap they don't need. Which, you know, some of the gifts are great and that's fine, but some of it, frankly, is stuff they won't remember a week later. What we value more is time with our children. So they get gifts sometimes from grandparents and godparents and lots of loving people in their life. That's all good. But what we do is you and I together will go out with the birthday child for a birthday outing. So we spend some money on them.

Pat Millea [00:38:45]:
Probably still cheaper than gifts, but we spent some money on them. But we want to spend time with them. So we'll go to the zoo or the children's museum, or we'll go to the amusement park and we'll have a meal specifically with that child. And the beauty, like you talked about with the one on one time is really valuable. But two on one, two parents and one kid, that never happens in our family. And especially I remember the beauty of doing that with one of our twin daughters for the first couple times. That is really beautiful because they. Honestly, I don't think they've been out of the same room for the first five years of their life, basically until they went to school.

Pat Millea [00:39:21]:
So having them alone where we can just focus on them together, even for three or four hours, is just a really great gift. Way more valuable to them than anything.

Kenna Millea [00:39:29]:
Well, and we don't do birthday party. We don't do friend parties for our kids either. And one of our boys was actually asking, asking me about it and was kind of lamenting it. And I said, you're right, we don't do friend birthday parties. I said, but we do let you guys have, like, movie nights or have friends over to have, like, a Nerf war, you know, what have you. So that's something else. That again, just the expense and the emotional and just energy that that is versus being like, hey, have your friends come over. We'll pop you a ton of popcorn.

Kenna Millea [00:39:59]:
They can bring candy if they want to. You know, like, that is so lowkey. And I think that is a hack that we have found as well.

Pat Millea [00:40:06]:
Well, totally.

Kenna Millea [00:40:08]:
So I see that you gave me the section on food. Given that this is. When you talk about values, like, this is low on your. Low on your priority list, but it's high on mine.

Pat Millea [00:40:17]:
It's a nice way of saying that we disagree a little bit, but that's fine. I. I can acknowledge that mine is a little less healthy than yours. That's fine.

Kenna Millea [00:40:23]:
No, no, no. Just. I care about it so much. It takes up so much real estate in my mind. Like, you want to talk about mental load, like, 60, food 40, logistics of, like, carpools and who's going to get where, and do we have all the right stuff? That's, like, my mental load. Okay, so food number eight. I think of us as like a school cafeteria, you know, like. Like Mondays.

Kenna Millea [00:40:45]:
Mondays is like, American from the grill. Tuesdays is like Tex Mex. Wednesday is pasta. I have no interest in reinventing the wheel at this time in our family's life. And so finding just a rhythm, like, especially paying attention to what our scheduling needs are. There are certain days of the week that are more chaotic things. Thursdays, piano lessons at our house for two hours right after school. Always crazier.

Kenna Millea [00:41:09]:
Like trying to load the. The cooking and the meal planning for what makes sense, how it complements our calendar. The other thing we're really big on is batch cooking. So when we make, let's say, beef and broccoli on rice, doubling it, which means quadrupling it for our family so that we have it again later in the week. Especially. Especially on a night when I know we've got a lot of stuff going on. So we have this crazy spreadsheet that maybe I'll make public. I'm not sure yet.

Kenna Millea [00:41:38]:
But a crazy spreadsheet for each crazy. We have it for. For three trimesters.

Pat Millea [00:41:42]:
She has a menu per quarter.

Kenna Millea [00:41:44]:
Yes. No, no trimester, trimester. So seasonal. So I'm paying attention to, like, what makes sense to eat at what times, but it. It rotates. And so by the time we're kind of sick of, you know, Chinese chicken salad, it's like, boop. And we're into the next season of the menu and we move on. But all the recipes are linked in on this spreadsheet.

Kenna Millea [00:42:03]:
I have notes about any kind of modifications that I've made or how many pounds of meat, you know, do we need for this thing? And then I save the special cooking for the Lord's day. Like that's our day to do fun things and to try a new recipe or try a more complex recipe. But during the week, man, we are just trying to get is very utilitarian cooking. Like we are just trying to get the job done.

Pat Millea [00:42:22]:
Yep.

Kenna Millea [00:42:23]:
I would say the other thing is the instant pot. Like that is such. I know that it feels like just one more gadget like in your house and that's all right. And I get it.

Pat Millea [00:42:33]:
But it's a gadget you use every single day.

Kenna Millea [00:42:35]:
I know, man. For having rice on hand, for being able to cook chicken quickly, make a.

Pat Millea [00:42:41]:
Ton of food super fast. Let's go.

Kenna Millea [00:42:44]:
It's. It's a big thing for us. So yeah, that would be another hack around food.

Pat Millea [00:42:48]:
Yeah. Get yourself an instant pot. And if you have a large number of kids like we do, getting the biggest slow cooker you can possibly find. We have a industrial sized slow cooker and it is so great.

Kenna Millea [00:43:00]:
Yeah.

Pat Millea [00:43:01]:
I don't even know what it is. It's a triple batch of chili.

Kenna Millea [00:43:03]:
Yeah. It still isn't quite enough for two nights of chili, but it's close.

Pat Millea [00:43:08]:
Oh my gosh. Yeah. Yeah. Number nine. Speaking of chili, let's talk dip. Not like food though. Double and triple dipping. Especially when it comes to kids activities.

Pat Millea [00:43:19]:
There is almost nothing that our kids do if they are the only child doing that thing because we just don't have the bandwidth for that. I remember talking to a friend of ours a couple weeks ago when school got out and she was talking about how, well, one of our youngest sons wanted to play baseball but the other one didn't. So I had to break it to the other one. Sorry, kid, no baseball. This is an all or nothing situation. Because they're in a similar situation that we are, that they just don't have the space to be running. In our case, seven different kids, seven different places. If we have to run our kids, you know, seven kids in three directions, that's enough of chaos.

Pat Millea [00:43:56]:
We can't do any more than that.

Kenna Millea [00:43:57]:
We currently do that.

Pat Millea [00:43:58]:
We currently do that. That's right. So we'll have kids do the same camp, a church camp or a sports camp. We'll have kids play. Do Piano practice at the same time. So our piano teacher comes to our house, she goes, boom, boom, boom, boom. Four kids in a row, all on Thursday afternoons. Kids could be going, you know, to more specialized sport camps.

Pat Millea [00:44:20]:
They could be going to, you know, some specific church camp or something on their own. But right now, at least in this season of life, it's more important for them to do things together than it is for them to do some kind of like, highly specialized football camp or something like that. You know, if the day comes when they're in high school or something that.

Kenna Millea [00:44:41]:
Right, right.

Pat Millea [00:44:42]:
Need to do that. And they can. It's easier to carpool. It's easier to manage the logistics. God be with you. That sounds great. At this time, though, especially in, like, the elementary years that we're in, for the most part, it's just not the way that our family is going to work best.

Kenna Millea [00:44:55]:
Yeah, yeah. And I think too, like, some of our kids are just more reluctant to join in activities and knowing that their big brother is in, you know, the other kid, the other group at the same vacation, Bible school or whatever. Like, it does help. It. It is. It is. Yeah. That in that way too, like, it's helped our kids to be able to participate in more.

Kenna Millea [00:45:14]:
Totally as well.

Pat Millea [00:45:15]:
Totally.

Kenna Millea [00:45:15]:
All right, number 10. This is my favorite. Let it go. Turn down the volume.

Pat Millea [00:45:23]:
Are you gonna sing it. No. All right.

Kenna Millea [00:45:24]:
No. Turn down the volume. On comparison, even as Pat and I share. Right. Even as you and I share, Pat, like, these one through nine things that, that. These categories of ways that, that we have hacked in our own life, like, if it doesn't resonate, if it doesn't work for you, let it go.

Kenna Millea [00:45:40]:
Right. There is so much coming into our minds and our ears and our eyeballs. Thanks, social media. Thanks. Group text messages. Thanks. You know, group emails, Just all the things. Right.

Kenna Millea [00:45:52]:
Like, and some of it is so good. But if it doesn't work for you, consider it as being placed up on the fence post. And if you don't know what I mean, look at our episode on boundaries, consider it being placed on the fence post and that you get to look in that picnic basket and decide, how much of this do you want to. To draw into your garden and incorporate? And if it's not for you, if it doesn't make sense, if it doesn't resonate, that is okay.

Pat Millea [00:46:15]:
Yeah.

Kenna Millea [00:46:16]:
None of what we're talking about is a moral issue.

Pat Millea [00:46:18]:
Right?

Kenna Millea [00:46:18]:
Right. None of it is a make or break. None of it makes you a good or bad parent. None of it has been clinically shown to, like, make your kid a good holy person. Right. Which is what we're all after.

Pat Millea [00:46:28]:
Like, these things all have made us better parents. They are not things that will necessarily make every parent a better parent.

Kenna Millea [00:46:36]:
Right.

Pat Millea [00:46:36]:
It's very case by case. Yeah.

Kenna Millea [00:46:38]:
Right. And figure out your own way, which is the hard part, actually, like, that this isn't a one size fits all, that there isn't just a program that you sign up for and you go for it. I was looking. Notre Dame has this really cool private group on Instagram about for new moms. And this one mom was talking about this. I think it's called Skylight. It's this calendaring and organizing system that's all up in a cloud or something, and you have devices, whatever. And I was just looking at it, I was, like, so overwhelmed, and so many people were, like, chiming in about how helpful it was for them.

Kenna Millea [00:47:06]:
And I was feeling this sense of like, oh, gosh, should we, should we, should we? And I was. I took a step back and I was like, our Google Calendar system as, like, circa 2007 as it is. Like, it's really working well for us. And I was like, flick, like, move on to the next thing. It is okay to hear someone gush about something that works for them. Right. To hear Pat talk about how much he's in love with his instant pot and to be like, I'm just gonna stick with my slow cooker. Like, that works.

Kenna Millea [00:47:30]:
So you have permission, this is the moment you've been waiting for, to have permission to do it your way, to do what works best for you.

Pat Millea [00:47:37]:
My favorite decision in our life that illustrates that is our shared commitment. And I love you so much for joining me in this.

Kenna Millea [00:47:44]:
I think I know what you're doing.

Pat Millea [00:47:45]:
Our shared commitment to not making our bed.

Kenna Millea [00:47:48]:
Oh, my gosh, our mothers are cringing right now.

Pat Millea [00:47:50]:
Yes.

Kenna Millea [00:47:50]:
They are listening. And they're like, I did not raise you this way.

Pat Millea [00:47:52]:
And I know some of you people are a big fan of whoever that former soldier military guy is who talks about making your bed every day, starting the day with a win, and that's great. I think that is a wonderful principle. I just.

Kenna Millea [00:48:05]:
My wins are elsewhere.

Pat Millea [00:48:06]:
I don't care. Yes. I will find my wins other places. My energy is going to be directed in other directions and not headed toward making my bed first thing in the morning. I don't think that makes me a bad parent or a bad spouse. I think it's one thing that we have chosen to not do.

Kenna Millea [00:48:23]:
Let it go.

Pat Millea [00:48:24]:
Let it go. That's right. Yeah.

Kenna Millea [00:48:27]:
Okay, so challenge by choice. Should we land this plane?

Pat Millea [00:48:29]:
Do it.

Kenna Millea [00:48:29]:
Okay, so challenge by choice would be this kind of off of that theme of letting it go. I think the flip side of that coin is. But what is one area where you recognize that, like, there is a need for some kind of revision, some kind of consideration of how do we alter this? How do we make this work more for us? Right. Instead of being consumed by our lives, like, how can we make this work well for us? And so maybe it's one of the categories that you and I have highlighted, Pat, 1 through 9. Maybe it's even in one of the. You want to try one of the things that we suggested? Maybe it's something entirely different. Maybe we've missed an entire category of, like. This is actually what plagues me, guys.

Kenna Millea [00:49:08]:
Great. Have a chitty chat with your spouse about it or your roommate or whatever. Be able to have a conversation of, like, yeah, how can we adjust? How could we pivot in this to make life work just a little better for us?

Pat Millea [00:49:20]:
So let it go, but don't let it all go well.

Kenna Millea [00:49:23]:
Like, let go of the things that just. That don't matter to you, that aren't. That aren't applicable for you, aren't relevant in this season of life. You have our blessing.

Pat Millea [00:49:31]:
I love it.

Kenna Millea [00:49:32]:
And our encouragement.

Pat Millea [00:49:32]:
Speaking of blessing.

Kenna Millea [00:49:33]:
Yeah.

Pat Millea [00:49:34]:
Should we ask for the Lord's blessing? Let's go on our hacks.

Kenna Millea [00:49:37]:
Yes.

Pat Millea [00:49:38]:
In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, Amen. God, you are our Father. You are the perfect parent, and you love us with a love that is infinite and perfect. And we pray for the grace to live in your love more every day. We pray for your blessing on all of our efforts, especially those of us who are parents, Lord, those of us who you have given the great honor of raising sons and daughters who are in your image and likeness and of being an example of your love to them. Lord, we pray for all parents. We pray especially for those, Lord, who maybe are struggling or feeling overwhelmed or are feeling like they're not keeping up with the pace and the needs of life. Lord, I pray for their consolation, for you to be with them in the midst of their struggles and for them to be reminded of their identity in you and the goodness that you've given them as parents of these children.

Pat Millea [00:50:48]:
Holy family, Jesus, Mary, Joseph, we ask for your prayers for each of us that we can create and build families in the image of your holy family. We ask all this, Lord, in your name, Amen. Name of the Father and the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. Thanks for being my parenting hack partner. Yep. Shout out to all the parents out there, all those aspiring parents, you're doing great. I don't care what anyone says, you're doing a great job.

Pat Millea [00:51:18]:
Maybe there's one or two things that you and I can keep doing better to raise our kids with some sanity and sanctity of their own in kind of a crazy world. We would love to hear what you have to say about this, what suggestions you have for us. We want to learn from you. This is not a one way street. So you can send us a message on our website at thiswholelifepodcast.com there are links down in the episode description below where you can text us a comment, you can send us an email. You can also check us out on Facebook or Instagram @thiswholelifepodcast. And please continue to support this whole life so that we can keep filling the room with beautiful lights that if you're only listening on audio, you are missing out on. Friends.

Pat Millea [00:51:58]:
Get out there. Be a great parent, be a great dad, be a great mom, be a great daughter of God, son of God. And we'll see you next time on This Whole Life.

Kenna Millea [00:52:06]:
God bless you.

Pat Millea [00:52:14]:
This Whole Life is a production of the Martin center for Integration. Visit us online at thiswholelifepodcast.com that and protein. Check, check, check.

Kenna Millea [00:52:37]:
Water. Also water.

Pat Millea [00:52:38]:
Colorful meals. Check, check.

Kenna Millea [00:52:41]:
Can't believe I forgot the kale today. I meant to bring the kale to work yesterday. I meant to bring the kale. Brought the stupid asparagus. I was like, this does nothing for me.